Image courtesy of Kirk Kara
Friday, February 12, 2010
I have no business looking at engagement rings, but I came across this wedding set by Kirk Kara and I fell in love. I would like this with the center diamond as either a round brilliant or princess cut as opposed to the emerald cut shown in the image. Did I ever mention how much I adore sapphires? *swoon*
Image courtesy of Kirk Kara
Image courtesy of Kirk Kara
Thursday, February 11, 2010
I had a conversation over dinner last night that kept me awake, tossing and turning. When I got back to my apartment, my whole being felt agitated and uneasy. It must have been obvious because my roommate suggested going to Yogurtland to unwind. I could have used a glass or two... or hell, a whole bottle... of wine, but I suppose yogurt works just as well.
The topic of this stimulating conversation:
The need to be in deeply connected, fulfilling relationship.
I have spent the last two years trying to disprove this in my own life. All I had ever known before then was the happiness I felt from being validated by my relationships. I can honestly say that I am more comfortable with myself now more than ever and I'm the happiest I have ever been. I feel truly blessed in my life and I didn't need a man in it to achieve this.
My problem is with the word need. Sure, it would be nice to have a significant other to share my life with, but that's a want. I need water and food to survive. I don't need a relationship; I can live and be happy without one. However, being the romantic that I am, I also know that I will never feel complete without that deep, spiritual, emotional bond and love that you can only share with your soulmate.
If you can't feel complete without it, then you need it.
I hate being wrong but I didn't have a response. Even after an entire night of thinking about it, I can't deny it.
So then I began to think to about the futileness of my attempts to be completely free of a need for love. But truth be told, I needed this time alone to discover myself. Being at peace with myself and knowing who I am makes me a better person for whomever I share my life with. The reality of the situation, though, is that if I become complacent with my situation as it stands, it is no different than settling on the mediocrity of my past career. Similarly, I am comfortable with where I am now but I know that there is something better out there that will make me happier and feel complete. If I don't pursue that, I am doing a great disservice to myself.
At the end of the day, I do need love. Damn you for being right. On the positive side, dinner and your company was lovely, even if the restaurant didn't get your order right.
Image courtesy of Le Love
The topic of this stimulating conversation:
I have spent the last two years trying to disprove this in my own life. All I had ever known before then was the happiness I felt from being validated by my relationships. I can honestly say that I am more comfortable with myself now more than ever and I'm the happiest I have ever been. I feel truly blessed in my life and I didn't need a man in it to achieve this.
My problem is with the word need. Sure, it would be nice to have a significant other to share my life with, but that's a want. I need water and food to survive. I don't need a relationship; I can live and be happy without one. However, being the romantic that I am, I also know that I will never feel complete without that deep, spiritual, emotional bond and love that you can only share with your soulmate.
I hate being wrong but I didn't have a response. Even after an entire night of thinking about it, I can't deny it.
So then I began to think to about the futileness of my attempts to be completely free of a need for love. But truth be told, I needed this time alone to discover myself. Being at peace with myself and knowing who I am makes me a better person for whomever I share my life with. The reality of the situation, though, is that if I become complacent with my situation as it stands, it is no different than settling on the mediocrity of my past career. Similarly, I am comfortable with where I am now but I know that there is something better out there that will make me happier and feel complete. If I don't pursue that, I am doing a great disservice to myself.
At the end of the day, I do need love. Damn you for being right. On the positive side, dinner and your company was lovely, even if the restaurant didn't get your order right.
Image courtesy of Le Love
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Addressing my new blog theme - a couple of years ago, my best friend, Stacey, sent me a story that I took to heart in a deep and profound way. It's a story I carry with me to this very day. It has helped me through many difficult situations and struggles in the last couple of years. A few months ago, my very good friend (who I've known and loved since middle school), Cindy, designed a personalized butterfly logo for me. (She is a truly amazing designer and you should check out her blog). When I saw the logo for the first time, it literally took my breath away. Perfection - blue is my favorite color, the heart represents my romantic view on life and love, and, of course, the butterfly itself from the story. The logo is a true representation of me, as is the writing in this blog. Thank you so much for being a part of my world and sharing in the experiences of my life. A special Thank You to Stacey for sharing the story that I hold so dear and to Cindy for creating "Tammy" in an image.
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
Work is a little slow today so I found myself perusing Anthropologie. Why do I torture myself? I'm in love:
Images courtesy of Anthropologie
Images courtesy of Anthropologie
I'm beginning to believe that every romantic relationship will undoubtedly come to an end. Those that don't become more of a friendship than a romantic relationship.
In recent months, I have dated several men that have told me about passionate, wonderful relationships with incredible women that just end up "fizzing out." He didn't change; she didn't change. My take on it is that people get bored. That doesn't necessarily mean I believe that people are boring. On the contrary - most people are quite interesting with different habits, morals, thoughts, and actions. However, once you become intimately acquainted with these nuances, it is no longer interesting because you're not discovering anything new.
I've been seeing Mike for the last two months. We used to see each other quite frequently but recently, we've only been seeing each other once a week. This doesn't bother me - I'm a busy girl with a schedule, lots of friends, and big dreams. Translation: I'm not into this guy enough to make time for him or a relationship. Likewise, he doesn't pressure me to spend more time with him. I think we got too much of each other too quickly and now it's burnt out. You have to pace these things.
This same guy told me about one of his past relationships that he still looks back on rather fondly. They didn't break up because of a lack of love but because they had "already done everything."
Huh? I was confused by this statement, too.
He explained that in the two years they were together, they did everything: traveled, bought stuff, celebrated holidays, lived together, etc. He said that by the end of the relationship, if someone asked them what they wanted to do that weekend or even that day, they wouldn't have an answer because they felt like everything that could be done, had been done. Therefore, since there was nothing left to do, it would only go downhill from that point forward. So they decided to end things while they were still good so it never got to the point of complete boredom and loathing.
I do believe that relationships and bonds are made up of simple experiences of being together, so I'm still unsure of this reasoning. While boredom and routine happen to many couples, I would think that if the connection and deep rooted emotions were still prevalent, these wouldn't be an issue. I suppose what I'm really trying to say is that if someone is truly priceless to you, then you would work it out or at least attempt to. Ultimately, it's not about the things you do, achieve, or accumulate, it's about how you've done it together and all the small experiences in between. Just like life, relationships are about the journey, not the destination.
A part of me feels jaded. It's been a long time since I've really liked somebody and I'm not sure I remember how. Then again, I am and always will be a hopeless romantic.
I miss the feeling of excitement to hear my phone ring and see his name appear. I miss spending that extra fifteen minutes to get ready because I want to make sure I look good for him. Mostly, I miss giving unconditionally just because his happiness is mine.
Image courtesy of Le Love
In recent months, I have dated several men that have told me about passionate, wonderful relationships with incredible women that just end up "fizzing out." He didn't change; she didn't change. My take on it is that people get bored. That doesn't necessarily mean I believe that people are boring. On the contrary - most people are quite interesting with different habits, morals, thoughts, and actions. However, once you become intimately acquainted with these nuances, it is no longer interesting because you're not discovering anything new.
I've been seeing Mike for the last two months. We used to see each other quite frequently but recently, we've only been seeing each other once a week. This doesn't bother me - I'm a busy girl with a schedule, lots of friends, and big dreams. Translation: I'm not into this guy enough to make time for him or a relationship. Likewise, he doesn't pressure me to spend more time with him. I think we got too much of each other too quickly and now it's burnt out. You have to pace these things.
This same guy told me about one of his past relationships that he still looks back on rather fondly. They didn't break up because of a lack of love but because they had "already done everything."
Huh? I was confused by this statement, too.
He explained that in the two years they were together, they did everything: traveled, bought stuff, celebrated holidays, lived together, etc. He said that by the end of the relationship, if someone asked them what they wanted to do that weekend or even that day, they wouldn't have an answer because they felt like everything that could be done, had been done. Therefore, since there was nothing left to do, it would only go downhill from that point forward. So they decided to end things while they were still good so it never got to the point of complete boredom and loathing.
I do believe that relationships and bonds are made up of simple experiences of being together, so I'm still unsure of this reasoning. While boredom and routine happen to many couples, I would think that if the connection and deep rooted emotions were still prevalent, these wouldn't be an issue. I suppose what I'm really trying to say is that if someone is truly priceless to you, then you would work it out or at least attempt to. Ultimately, it's not about the things you do, achieve, or accumulate, it's about how you've done it together and all the small experiences in between. Just like life, relationships are about the journey, not the destination.
A part of me feels jaded. It's been a long time since I've really liked somebody and I'm not sure I remember how. Then again, I am and always will be a hopeless romantic.
I miss the feeling of excitement to hear my phone ring and see his name appear. I miss spending that extra fifteen minutes to get ready because I want to make sure I look good for him. Mostly, I miss giving unconditionally just because his happiness is mine.
Image courtesy of Le Love
Friday, November 27, 2009
I know it's been awhile since I posted, so I thought I'd leave a little montage of photos of what's been going on in my life. Enjoy!
Cal football pride. Go Bears!
Celebrating my 26th birthday in SF with my favorite CS boys.
Celebrating my 26th birthday in LA with my party crew.
Day before Halloween debauchery.
Halloween debauchery with random guys and their kick ass costumes.
Three Apples Hello Kitty art show to honor Hello Kitty's 35th Anniversary.
Partying in Hollywood because we live so close.
Cal football pride. Go Bears!
Celebrating my 26th birthday in SF with my favorite CS boys.
Celebrating my 26th birthday in LA with my party crew.
Day before Halloween debauchery.
Halloween debauchery with random guys and their kick ass costumes.
Three Apples Hello Kitty art show to honor Hello Kitty's 35th Anniversary.
Partying in Hollywood because we live so close.
Friday, September 18, 2009
I would like to know by a show of hands, how many people think sex is important enough in a relationship such that it can be a deal breaker?
Forgive me for raising controversy yet again, but I think it's fair to break it off with somebody because of lack of sex or bad sex. It is one of the very few things in life that a person should always be considered above par and enjoy.
I was recently called upon for my brilliant and fabulous love/relationship advice. (It still bemuses me from time to time that I so often get called upon for this as I have yet to demonstrate a successful, sane relationship myself). A friend of mine has been dating a girl for a little over six months. He wanted to know if it would be an "asshole move" if he broke up with her because of sex. To make it clear, they have sex less than once a month.
EXCUSE ME?!
No, readers, that is not a typo. Needless to say, my response was, "Get out. Get out NOW."
Let's be honest here. Everybody knows that sex becomes increasingly infrequent as time passes in a relationship. However, at six months, a couple should still be going at it like rabbits. If not, you must begin to wonder how it will be further down the line. Will it become once every other month, once every six month, or worse yet, only on your birthday? (Oh, "Birthday Sex" - so good that you even have your own song).
For you "unbelievers" who staunchly defend that a relationship is more than "just sex," please set those torches down. I am not implying that sex is the be all and end all for a good relationship; I am merely stating that it is integral. While I believe compatibility, humor, stability, etc. are all important, I argue that sex is equally as important. Here's the romantic in me coming out - Believe it or not, you can have it all. Why shouldn't it be great? If you are about to commit to someone for what is hopefully the rest of your lives, why can't you expect to have a great time in and out of the bed? Even on those days you can't stand each other or have a huge disagreement, shouldn't you be able to look forward to fantastic sex afterward? And should the relationship not work out in the end (heaven forbid), wouldn't you like to be able to say to yourself, "Hey, s/he might have been a bitch/asshole, but at least the sex was great!"
Still not convinced? Okay, naysayers. Here's what I have to say to you:
You've never had mind-blowing sex.
Forgive me for raising controversy yet again, but I think it's fair to break it off with somebody because of lack of sex or bad sex. It is one of the very few things in life that a person should always be considered above par and enjoy.
I was recently called upon for my brilliant and fabulous love/relationship advice. (It still bemuses me from time to time that I so often get called upon for this as I have yet to demonstrate a successful, sane relationship myself). A friend of mine has been dating a girl for a little over six months. He wanted to know if it would be an "asshole move" if he broke up with her because of sex. To make it clear, they have sex less than once a month.
No, readers, that is not a typo. Needless to say, my response was, "Get out. Get out NOW."
Let's be honest here. Everybody knows that sex becomes increasingly infrequent as time passes in a relationship. However, at six months, a couple should still be going at it like rabbits. If not, you must begin to wonder how it will be further down the line. Will it become once every other month, once every six month, or worse yet, only on your birthday? (Oh, "Birthday Sex" - so good that you even have your own song).
For you "unbelievers" who staunchly defend that a relationship is more than "just sex," please set those torches down. I am not implying that sex is the be all and end all for a good relationship; I am merely stating that it is integral. While I believe compatibility, humor, stability, etc. are all important, I argue that sex is equally as important. Here's the romantic in me coming out - Believe it or not, you can have it all. Why shouldn't it be great? If you are about to commit to someone for what is hopefully the rest of your lives, why can't you expect to have a great time in and out of the bed? Even on those days you can't stand each other or have a huge disagreement, shouldn't you be able to look forward to fantastic sex afterward? And should the relationship not work out in the end (heaven forbid), wouldn't you like to be able to say to yourself, "Hey, s/he might have been a bitch/asshole, but at least the sex was great!"
Still not convinced? Okay, naysayers. Here's what I have to say to you:
Friday, August 21, 2009
Okay, y'all. Here is my obligatory post from Asia to let you know that I'm still alive. =) I wish I had enough time to write a proper post, but I'm in a tiny cubicle/computer room with a line of two people waiting to use the internet. I could always step out the door and walk to the corner store to buy a new laptop, but that would require getting up and moving around in the 94 degree + crazy humidity weather. So that's a "no." I have a wealth of tales to share and can't wait to relate them all. I hope everyone is well in the States and there are no words to express how much I am looking forward to going back... because it means that Cal football season will soon begin!
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Last weekend, I went to see Funny People starring Adam Sandler and Seth Rogen. I had heard some lackluster reviews about the movie, but I still felt like I should see it just on the sheer principle that I work in the comedy entertainment industry. I found it to be a fairly accurate description of a comedian's life so I couldn't quite understand why people didn't enjoy this movie. A friend of mine, who also happens to be a comedian, once told me that "nobody gives a shit about comics; we might as well be the scum of the Earth." So I thought that maybe he was right and people didn't take to the movie because they just didn't care enough about comedians. Then I realized the truth:
It's not that people don't care about the inside workings of a comedian's life - they really just do not want to see the truth about life in the entertainment industry (aka Hollywood).
People prefer their visions of glamour than to see the ugly truth. Consequently, when TMZ reports that the hottest Hollywood star(let) has fallen off the "pedestal," people can gasp and judge the indecency of it all.
I had gone to see the movie with a girl friend of mine who seemed to take great offense to the portrayal of women. She was shocked that I didn't feel the same way.
"Aren't you offended?! They make it seem like women will throw themselves at a man just because he's famous!"
I was taken aback that she didn't already know this and accept this as fact. Perhaps it is the time that I have spent working in Hollywood and watching the comings and goings of certain people in the lime light that has made me jaded. I've witnessed women shamelessly whore themselves to male celebrities. Sad, but true. I do believe that it happens commonly enough such that these male celebrities assume that they can have any woman they want. Also sad, but true.
This is the fucked up town I live and work in. ...And I love it.
People prefer their visions of glamour than to see the ugly truth. Consequently, when TMZ reports that the hottest Hollywood star(let) has fallen off the "pedestal," people can gasp and judge the indecency of it all.
I had gone to see the movie with a girl friend of mine who seemed to take great offense to the portrayal of women. She was shocked that I didn't feel the same way.
"Aren't you offended?! They make it seem like women will throw themselves at a man just because he's famous!"
I was taken aback that she didn't already know this and accept this as fact. Perhaps it is the time that I have spent working in Hollywood and watching the comings and goings of certain people in the lime light that has made me jaded. I've witnessed women shamelessly whore themselves to male celebrities. Sad, but true. I do believe that it happens commonly enough such that these male celebrities assume that they can have any woman they want. Also sad, but true.
This is the fucked up town I live and work in. ...And I love it.
Saturday, August 08, 2009
Friday, August 07, 2009
I no longer believe or take advice from Forbes. Check out how they rank "America's Best Colleges."
Pffffft.
Pffffft.
There are many things about Hollywood that piss me off - like the water-Splenda girl at Coffee Bean. Then there are the glossy, glitzy dreams that serve as a constant reminder of why LA is such a magical place.
Last night, I met up with a friend - probably one of the most beautiful girls I have ever come in contact with. It had been some time since we last conversed so we had a lot to discuss. We talked about our careers, or lack thereof, and where we were trying to go from this point forward. Some background info on her: she graduated from college, moved to LA, worked at a law office to prepare for law school, went to law school, hated it, quit, and moved back to LA with dreams of becoming an actress. We agreed that life would be simpler and easier if we were the type of people to be satisfied with an office job. I look back on my time in San Francisco working in IT at a finance firm as a lifetime ago and a "stand still" point of my life. Sometimes I wish I could have been happy with that - it was responsible, I made great money, and I didn't have to wonder every day if I was going to be spending my life working towards something that I may never achieve.
My friend is the same way. Things would be easier and less stressful for her had she been happy practicing law. She would have completed law school, joined a prestigious law firm, and possibly opened her own successful practice in the future. That almost seems more plausible and reachable than becoming a famous actress. Now she works a day job and does bottle service Friday and Saturday nights at a popular LA night club in an effort to make ends meet and support herself while she pursues her dream.
Just like everyone else in this town.
Because my job involves the entertainment industry, I am constantly coming across people who are desperately trying to become famous. In fact, the majority of the people that I have met in LA have fit in this category. It's like we live in a separate universe and I almost forget that there are people who just have "normal" jobs. It's the LA snob in me that comes out when I start to believe that those people have no dreams in life because they are satisfied with being "normal." That's when I need to remind myself that I'm not special; I'm just like everyone else. It's when I need to call my "normal" friends and bring me back to Earth.
This is the city of dreams. Unfortunately, not everyone, not even a high percentage of people will ever reach their goals but once you decide to take that road, you can only move forward without looking over your shoulder at past regrets.
Last night, I met up with a friend - probably one of the most beautiful girls I have ever come in contact with. It had been some time since we last conversed so we had a lot to discuss. We talked about our careers, or lack thereof, and where we were trying to go from this point forward. Some background info on her: she graduated from college, moved to LA, worked at a law office to prepare for law school, went to law school, hated it, quit, and moved back to LA with dreams of becoming an actress. We agreed that life would be simpler and easier if we were the type of people to be satisfied with an office job. I look back on my time in San Francisco working in IT at a finance firm as a lifetime ago and a "stand still" point of my life. Sometimes I wish I could have been happy with that - it was responsible, I made great money, and I didn't have to wonder every day if I was going to be spending my life working towards something that I may never achieve.
My friend is the same way. Things would be easier and less stressful for her had she been happy practicing law. She would have completed law school, joined a prestigious law firm, and possibly opened her own successful practice in the future. That almost seems more plausible and reachable than becoming a famous actress. Now she works a day job and does bottle service Friday and Saturday nights at a popular LA night club in an effort to make ends meet and support herself while she pursues her dream.
Just like everyone else in this town.
Because my job involves the entertainment industry, I am constantly coming across people who are desperately trying to become famous. In fact, the majority of the people that I have met in LA have fit in this category. It's like we live in a separate universe and I almost forget that there are people who just have "normal" jobs. It's the LA snob in me that comes out when I start to believe that those people have no dreams in life because they are satisfied with being "normal." That's when I need to remind myself that I'm not special; I'm just like everyone else. It's when I need to call my "normal" friends and bring me back to Earth.
This is the city of dreams. Unfortunately, not everyone, not even a high percentage of people will ever reach their goals but once you decide to take that road, you can only move forward without looking over your shoulder at past regrets.
Monday, August 03, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
Las Vegas is both fun and depressing.
Everybody loves a good time and what place better to do it than Vegas where you can gamble, party, and drink 24/7? Just lost 10 pounds? Great! Go to Vegas and show off that body because there is no place else on Earth where it is acceptable to be scandalous just because it's Tuesday. Believe me, I enjoy this as much as the next person.
What irks me is the "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" mentality. It's too temporary and too lenient on the idea of being somebody and acting a certain way you normally would not. I am all for expanding your horizons and thinking outside of the box but not when it entails being embarrassed about your actions. Vegas promotes the theme of "when in Rome..." and people buy into that. It's easy to excuse disgraceful behavior when you can dismiss it as part of being the "Vegas experience."
I will admit to having fallen in line with these beliefs. I have made weekend trips to Vegas to escape the sometimes mundane, sometimes dramatic reality of my life. It sounds like a fail-proof plan: take a weekend getaway, forget your problems, and take part in a weekend of debauchery and fun under the premise that it's temporary and that no one will ever find out about the events. Unfortunately, at the end of that entertaining weekend, you are left with the cold, desperate pangs of reality. Like Vegas, the fun and outrageous occurrences of the weekend are fleeting. This makes returning to the "real world" on Monday an even more sobering moment. Frankly, it's depressing.
Upon further examination of the Vegas "incidences," you find yourself incredibly grateful that no one will ever find out about them. To what purpose did these things serve? It is easy to be somebody different when there are little to no consequences for your actions and words. Does this make you feel like a better, more empowered person?
My take on it is that while most people look back at Vegas excursions as fun and exciting trips, it leaves much to be desired. There are no real connections, no truths to be revealed in a city designed for temporary release. What it does lead to is a brighter spotlight on the issues you were so desperate to escape.
Everybody loves a good time and what place better to do it than Vegas where you can gamble, party, and drink 24/7? Just lost 10 pounds? Great! Go to Vegas and show off that body because there is no place else on Earth where it is acceptable to be scandalous just because it's Tuesday. Believe me, I enjoy this as much as the next person.
What irks me is the "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" mentality. It's too temporary and too lenient on the idea of being somebody and acting a certain way you normally would not. I am all for expanding your horizons and thinking outside of the box but not when it entails being embarrassed about your actions. Vegas promotes the theme of "when in Rome..." and people buy into that. It's easy to excuse disgraceful behavior when you can dismiss it as part of being the "Vegas experience."
I will admit to having fallen in line with these beliefs. I have made weekend trips to Vegas to escape the sometimes mundane, sometimes dramatic reality of my life. It sounds like a fail-proof plan: take a weekend getaway, forget your problems, and take part in a weekend of debauchery and fun under the premise that it's temporary and that no one will ever find out about the events. Unfortunately, at the end of that entertaining weekend, you are left with the cold, desperate pangs of reality. Like Vegas, the fun and outrageous occurrences of the weekend are fleeting. This makes returning to the "real world" on Monday an even more sobering moment. Frankly, it's depressing.
Upon further examination of the Vegas "incidences," you find yourself incredibly grateful that no one will ever find out about them. To what purpose did these things serve? It is easy to be somebody different when there are little to no consequences for your actions and words. Does this make you feel like a better, more empowered person?
My take on it is that while most people look back at Vegas excursions as fun and exciting trips, it leaves much to be desired. There are no real connections, no truths to be revealed in a city designed for temporary release. What it does lead to is a brighter spotlight on the issues you were so desperate to escape.
Friday, July 17, 2009
I'm an optimist and a romantic.
I believe the best in people unless they prove me wrong. Even when they prove me wrong, I continue to give them chances to redeem themselves even if I am constantly disappointed. That's what it means to feel disappointment in someone; you had an expectation that they have failed to fulfill. When that same person continues to disappoint on further occasions, it's because you still have expectations. I think it is quite sad when you actually stop feeling disappointment because you are no longer hopeful.
I believe that everything happens for a reason even if it is unclear at the time. It is possible that life is truly comprised of random occurences and coincidences. If that were the case, what would you have to look forward to? Do you just depend on chance? You may or may not meet someone with whom you share a great love; it may be today, next week, or never. There are too many "what ifs" in a life composed of accidents.
I believe that following your heart will lead you to real happiness. While, of course, reasoning and logic are involved in the decision making process, pursuing dreams sometimes means you'll have to toss those things aside. Second guessing and doing what is "responsible" all the time puts you in a position of stability, true, but it also puts you in state of mediocrity. Is being content better than being happy? Do you settle or do you reach for the stars?
I live by these mantras but it hasn't always placed me in the most ideal of situations. In fact, there have been times when they have been counter-effective to fulfilling my goals. Even so, I still believe. I'd rather regret something I have done than something I have not.
Be yourself. Live life with no regrets.
Monday, July 06, 2009
I'm not sure what it is about me that screams, "PLEASE TALK TO ME ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS AND LOVE!" I suppose my blog background hints at my inner romantic.
Over the weekend, I had a long conversation with a guy I've known for many years regarding the necessity (or lack thereof) of relationships to live a happy, meaningful life. It all started when he posed the following questions, "What's going on with you? Are you dating again?"
To which I responded, "I'm giving up on that; it's been too disappointing. Besides, I've relied too heavily on the guys I've dated in the past to make me happy. I'm trying to focus on my career and pursuing goals that will make me happy without depending on a relationship."
"Really? Will that be enough? I think men can live that way but I think it's different for women; they need a relationship to be happy."
We must have been distracted by something at that point because I can't seem to recall the reasoning behind this statement. Or, perhaps, I was so infuriated by this clearly sexist comment that I simply did not hear the rest of the conversation. Although, after much thought and consideration, I am inclined to agree with his opinion.
Ladies, before you bite my head off, allow me a moment to explain. Women, in general, are complex creatures. As much as we may attempt to simplify our lives (and ourselves), it has become painfully clear to me that these efforts are pointless. Take, for example, the "angry woman." In a relationship, when a woman becomes angry, she quietly seethes, waiting for the man to notice and prostrate himself in total apologetic surrender. The longer he takes to notice, the angrier she gets. When he finally asks, "What's wrong, honey?" she will ultimately respond with, "NOTHING." Why? Because we expect you to already know and if you don't know, we want you to be concerned enough to keep asking and make it up to us. (Whitney Cummings does a great bit about this).
Unquestionably, women are wired differently than men. It has been my experience that women are more emotional than men. Maybe it's the estrogen or maybe it's the lack of testosterone. Whatever the case may be, because women are more emotional, we tend to want to "talk things out." While, yes, we have fabulous friends who will no doubt lend an ear, sometimes it requires more - perhaps a tender touch or a loving gaze. Unfortunately, these warm-hearted moments are few and far between with casual dalliances. So I say that, yes, we need a relationship if for no other reason than to keep ourselves sane.
With that being said,
I'm trying to focus on my career and pursuing goals that will make me happy without depending on a relationship.
I'm doomed.
Over the weekend, I had a long conversation with a guy I've known for many years regarding the necessity (or lack thereof) of relationships to live a happy, meaningful life. It all started when he posed the following questions, "What's going on with you? Are you dating again?"
To which I responded, "I'm giving up on that; it's been too disappointing. Besides, I've relied too heavily on the guys I've dated in the past to make me happy. I'm trying to focus on my career and pursuing goals that will make me happy without depending on a relationship."
"Really? Will that be enough? I think men can live that way but I think it's different for women; they need a relationship to be happy."
We must have been distracted by something at that point because I can't seem to recall the reasoning behind this statement. Or, perhaps, I was so infuriated by this clearly sexist comment that I simply did not hear the rest of the conversation. Although, after much thought and consideration, I am inclined to agree with his opinion.
Ladies, before you bite my head off, allow me a moment to explain. Women, in general, are complex creatures. As much as we may attempt to simplify our lives (and ourselves), it has become painfully clear to me that these efforts are pointless. Take, for example, the "angry woman." In a relationship, when a woman becomes angry, she quietly seethes, waiting for the man to notice and prostrate himself in total apologetic surrender. The longer he takes to notice, the angrier she gets. When he finally asks, "What's wrong, honey?" she will ultimately respond with, "NOTHING." Why? Because we expect you to already know and if you don't know, we want you to be concerned enough to keep asking and make it up to us. (Whitney Cummings does a great bit about this).
Unquestionably, women are wired differently than men. It has been my experience that women are more emotional than men. Maybe it's the estrogen or maybe it's the lack of testosterone. Whatever the case may be, because women are more emotional, we tend to want to "talk things out." While, yes, we have fabulous friends who will no doubt lend an ear, sometimes it requires more - perhaps a tender touch or a loving gaze. Unfortunately, these warm-hearted moments are few and far between with casual dalliances. So I say that, yes, we need a relationship if for no other reason than to keep ourselves sane.
With that being said,
I'm doomed.
Wednesday, July 01, 2009
I was at the grocery store the other day picking up essentials like ground turkey and Nutella (not to be used together, of course). While perusing the dairy aisle, a woman approached me and asked, "Do you know the difference between organic milk and regular milk? Why does the organic milk last so much longer than regular milk?"
I'm not sure what gave her the impression that I would know, but I tried my best to answer. "I think it's because organic milk is ultra-pasteurized although I can't tell you what that really means."
"Oh! Well, I only asked you because you look like you're smart, technically savvy. Well, thanks." And she went on her merry way.
It's not that I mind being perceived as intelligent, but how does one look like s/he is "smart" and "technically savvy" (I think she really meant "technologically savvy")? Mind you, I was wearing low-ride jeans and a San Francisco-themed Paul Frank baby tee and not a pair of suspenders with a graphing calculator clipped to the belt.
What is it that causes people to perceive characteristics of a person upon first glimpse? I am surreptitiously glancing at the bleach blonde, incredibly thin, perfectly tanned girl (wearing a bikini top and shorts small enough to not leave anything to the imagination) sitting at the table across from me at this cafe and I automatically assume she's another actress/model trying to make it in Hollywood. Who knows, though? Maybe she's actually an aerospace engineer trying to absorb her daily dose of vitamin D from the sun during her lunch break.
My point is, first appearances can be deceiving. I've been told that I am intimidating and unapproachable at first glance. I can understand this perception and it is highly probable that I promote this image of myself because it is far better to pleasantly surprise as opposed to disappointing someone. Regardless, a person can "put on" appearances as s/he pleases, but it is at the sole discretion of the outsiders to perceive him/her as they will.
I have consistently struggled with the theme of perception. The many layers make it difficult to determine what "true self" means. There is the way I want to be perceived versus the way I think I'm perceived versus the way I actually am perceived. It's so much to keep track of that I eventually will just need to throw up my hands in surrender to societal generalizations and views.
What truly concerns me is when I look in the mirror, I have difficulty answering the questions "Who am I?" and "What defines me?" Surely it is not only the narrowly defined representations forced upon me by society. Yet at the same time, there are instances when a person can accurately be defined by generalized characteristics. For example, I can see someone as courageous, driven, passionate. I do not believe that there is "nothing else to him," but it is his essence and what sets him apart from everyone else. I think what really defines a person are not only personality traits, but the experiences that contribute to your outlook on life and your very being.
Wouldn't it be easy if we all had a Magic Mirror that would reflect not an image but a definition? It would find "you" in the "Magic Mirror dictionary" and display exactly who you are.
Disclaimer:
I meant for this to be a whimsical post about striking up conversations with random people, but it somehow turned into a philosophical examination of self and perception. Nice, Tammy.
I'm not sure what gave her the impression that I would know, but I tried my best to answer. "I think it's because organic milk is ultra-pasteurized although I can't tell you what that really means."
"Oh! Well, I only asked you because you look like you're smart, technically savvy. Well, thanks." And she went on her merry way.
It's not that I mind being perceived as intelligent, but how does one look like s/he is "smart" and "technically savvy" (I think she really meant "technologically savvy")? Mind you, I was wearing low-ride jeans and a San Francisco-themed Paul Frank baby tee and not a pair of suspenders with a graphing calculator clipped to the belt.
What is it that causes people to perceive characteristics of a person upon first glimpse? I am surreptitiously glancing at the bleach blonde, incredibly thin, perfectly tanned girl (wearing a bikini top and shorts small enough to not leave anything to the imagination) sitting at the table across from me at this cafe and I automatically assume she's another actress/model trying to make it in Hollywood. Who knows, though? Maybe she's actually an aerospace engineer trying to absorb her daily dose of vitamin D from the sun during her lunch break.
My point is, first appearances can be deceiving. I've been told that I am intimidating and unapproachable at first glance. I can understand this perception and it is highly probable that I promote this image of myself because it is far better to pleasantly surprise as opposed to disappointing someone. Regardless, a person can "put on" appearances as s/he pleases, but it is at the sole discretion of the outsiders to perceive him/her as they will.
I have consistently struggled with the theme of perception. The many layers make it difficult to determine what "true self" means. There is the way I want to be perceived versus the way I think I'm perceived versus the way I actually am perceived. It's so much to keep track of that I eventually will just need to throw up my hands in surrender to societal generalizations and views.
What truly concerns me is when I look in the mirror, I have difficulty answering the questions "Who am I?" and "What defines me?" Surely it is not only the narrowly defined representations forced upon me by society. Yet at the same time, there are instances when a person can accurately be defined by generalized characteristics. For example, I can see someone as courageous, driven, passionate. I do not believe that there is "nothing else to him," but it is his essence and what sets him apart from everyone else. I think what really defines a person are not only personality traits, but the experiences that contribute to your outlook on life and your very being.
 |
| The Magic Mirror from Beauty and the Beast |
Wouldn't it be easy if we all had a Magic Mirror that would reflect not an image but a definition? It would find "you" in the "Magic Mirror dictionary" and display exactly who you are.
Disclaimer:
I meant for this to be a whimsical post about striking up conversations with random people, but it somehow turned into a philosophical examination of self and perception. Nice, Tammy.
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