my take on it

So I've been thinking about how much I've grown since coming to Berkeley. It's interesting how events really change a person's thoughts, ways, and beliefs. Coming out of high school, my friends were the most important people in the world to me. After all, "boys come and go, but friends are forever." After everything I went through in high school, I knew who my friends were and I knew they would always be there to answer my call. I remember telling my ex about how I would sacrifice anything for them, even if they asked me to give up on a guy I happened to be dating. Isn't that ironic?
Friendship is more than just an acquaintance; it means so much more. S/he is someone who wants the best for you and stands behind you in every decision you make, even if s/he disagrees with it. S/he is someone who is always right there behind you, ready to catch you if you fall. And you know it's a true friend when you don't have to "look behind you" to make sure that s/he is still there supporting you. I feel lucky to have friends who are all of those things; some people aren't that lucky.
Beyond that, I've learned so much more about myself and what I want and need in life. After being in a relationship for five years, with some guy or another, I went without for a month and then jumped right back in. It's not so much because I don't know how to be alone, but mostly because I've learned not to question myself -- to seize the day. But in that month that I was by myself, I realized that I could be fine on my own. All this time, I was scared to be alone because I didn't know what to do if I didn't have anyone to tell me how great I am, how much they love me. It wasn't until I was truly alone did I realize that I didn't need people to tell me that as long as I believed it. At first, it was difficult because I had been pummelled down to believe that I was worthless, that I didn't deserve his love, or anybody's for that matter. As hard as I tried, it just wasn't enough... because I wasn't enough. As time passed by, I saw things more clearly as the emotions that clouded my vision slowly lifted. It really wasn't about what anybody else thought about me; I should know better.
Now I realize how much I've missed out on because I was constantly making myself be someone I thought other people wanted. What I didn't realize was that all I wanted was to live life for everything it's worth and to do it for me.