Friday, June 19, 2009

Last night, I went to a guy's place to make pizza (from scratch), open up a bottle of wine, watch a movie, and enjoy each other's company. Objectively speaking, it was a date and quite a romantic one at that. What I failed to mention was that the guy happens to be my intern at work and I see him more as a little kid brother than anything else. To top it off, I invited along one of the girls in the office to join us, so it definitely was not a date.

It comes as a surprise to me that something so fun, romantic, and somewhat intimate has now been delegated to a "friend activity." In today's world, a date could consist of something so small as getting a cup of coffee or having a drink at a bar. Doesn't picnicking at the park or baking homemade cupcakes sound like more inspiring and creative dates? They are definitely more interesting.

Picnic at Golden Gate Park
My friends and I picnicking at Golden Gate Park.
Baking Red Velvet Cupcakes
My friend and I about to scarf down a Red Velvet cupcake we baked.

What's the deal? I read articles in magazines and online about fun, imaginative date ideas. Why is it, though, that it still always comes back to the same "dinner and a movie" idea? And has it become so ingrained in our minds that the "traditional date" is the only one we can expect that we use gatherings with friends as a surrogate intimate outing?

My take on it is that it's the easy way out. It's difficult enough to take someone out on a date and spark a connection; is there a need to do more than "what is expected" with so much else to worry about? Plus, there is always the possibility that the person might not go for what you have planned. For example, a fashionista model clad in sky-high heels might not appreciate rollerblading down the boardwalk. But, hey, isn't that a good indication of whether or not it's a good match if a person isn't willing (or complains about) a fun, original date? But I digress. It's neither here nor there whether the person enjoys your well-planned date; it's about taking the time to organize such an excursion and the possibility of an increased potential for a favorable outcome. Will it optimize your chances of securing another date? Maybe, maybe not. So why bother at all when you can guarantee a good time with your friends on those same adventures?

I'm divided on this issue. For about a year, all of the dates I have been on have centered around coffee, dessert, a meal, and/or drinks, so I look to my friends for the more interesting undertakings. However, should a future date take the initiative to plan something different than the norm, I would be pleasantly surprised and, admittedly, excited. By no means does this signify higher expectations than socially accepted; perhaps it's more of a fantasy. While I await my prince charming to come sweep me off my feet with an atypical date, I will occupy myself with my own diversions. Not that I am suggesting that I will only be swept away by someone who takes me on a date that deviates from the norm. Oh, hell. I seem to be writing myself into a corner.

P.S. Thanks to Matt and Isabella for a fabulous and entertaining evening!

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

After writing my latest entry about the perfect moment of waking up with somebody, it soon became clear that it would become the theme of the week. It seems as though I have been coming across plenty of things to support my view on this.

First of all, thank you to Cindy for sending me the link to this image:

Looking For Alaska

My favorite line is "...if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was hurricane." My take on this is that when you fall in love with somebody, it falls in one of two categories: you love him/her because you love the way he/she makes you feel about yourself OR you love him/her because he/she makes you want to be a better person. Hopefully, it is the latter case. There is something about that person that blows your mind, makes you see the world from a different perspective, evokes admiration and respect for everything he/she is and even everything he/she isn't. It's not about putting someone on a pedestal, it's about seeing someone in his/her entirety, strengths and flaws, and having a passion, deep down to your core, to be a better person to match.

And then I saw another blog posting by Le Love:

"We are just friends. Several times now, I have fallen asleep intertwined with you. Cheek to cheek, even lip to lip--just feeling your breath on my skin. We go no further. Today we went for a walk after a summer pour, and I could feel the warm steam rising from the streets. Now tonight, I sleep alone. It's probably healthy because when I'm tangled up with you I can hardly sleep at all. I spend the whole night on fire, quietly smoldering most of the time. Except when you pull me closer and rub your soft scruffle up and down my neck and chest. Or when you grab me by the hip bone and sink your thumbs into my flesh, sending electric chills up and down my body. Or when you pull me into you, sliding your fingers down my spine until they press the small of my back (chills, again). Or when your lips find the back of my neck and you mumble about how good I smell. Those are the times that the smoldering gives way to a blazing flare and all I can do is hope for a nap the next day.

But not tonight. You're there and I'm here. I could never tell you this, but every night your body isn't pressed against mine, I have to pack pillows around myself just to fall asleep. But we are just friends, and I'm sure you sleep fine without me." - A

When it gets to the point when a person expresses such words of desire to just hold somebody (or be held), it moves beyond just a mere physical, or even an emotional, connection. It's a longing to feel a place of belonging, to know that you are wanted and needed, to find mutual security with someone; the closest word I can think of is intimacy, although even that fails to convey the passion.

When you're in love:

You want to be near him regardless of what either of you are doing.
Little things remind you of him.
He is the first thing on your mind when you wake.
You think he is the most amazing person you have had the privilege to know.
You want him to be happy, with or without you. And you truly mean it.

The last statement is the most difficult to swallow because it directly conflicts with the first. There are many hardships associated to unrequited love, but it is my belief that you become a stronger person because of it; you have had the profound privilege to have found one person in the world who makes you understand yourself and life more clearly while truly finding a reason to be unselfish.

I leave you with a beautiful song and video: Framing Hanley - Alone in This Bed.

Saturday, June 06, 2009

Le Love never fails to touch and inspire me. A few days ago, I came across this:

i'd like to fall asleep with you

While you are sleeping, you are in your most vulnerable state. To fall asleep with somebody is a sign of trust, a demonstration of intimacy, if you will. To be held, to feel secure, and to know that there is mutual trust, that is what makes it so beautiful to share a bed with somebody.

It is my belief, however, that there is something even more incredible than falling asleep in someone's arms -- it's waking up in someone's arms. It's the moment that you begin to push away the cobwebs of sleep, feel the breath of someone next to you on the back of your neck, the touch of the arms wrapped around you, and the amazing recognition that you have just spent an extraordinarily beautiful night with the person in bed with you. You smile and let out a small sigh of contentment. He wraps his arms around you tighter and pulls you in closer. This is the moment I live for. You are exactly where you are supposed to be no matter what is happening outside in the "real world." This singular moment defines perfection and happiness.

Months ago, I came across a blog that describes this extraordinary moment in detail, from a man's perspective. It's beautiful and poetic. It makes me believe that there are men in the world that cherish this as much as I do, are romantics at heart.

I can close my eyes and remember what it's like. It brings forth a wealth of emotions and tears to my eyes.