Tuesday, February 24, 2004

The Ex-Files.* I suppose this is something that must be opened during any relationship. Or is it? Is it possible to completely delete those files? To forget their existence? I feel as though I've thought enough about them, about the past, and about the emotions. So from now on, I have decided to close them to the public. That's it. They no longer belong in my life and if I have any thoughts of them, they are fleeting.
By the way, this doesn't refer to Bryant or Chris (if you guys are reading this). You guys are the greatest and I love you dearly. You'll always be a part of my life because you meant more to me than that.
* phrase from Sex and The City

Monday, February 23, 2004

Weather Forecast: Rainy. For the entire week, RAINY. It makes me miss LA and all the warm weather it represents. You know, NON-RAINY.
Moving right along... Yesterday marked an end to Sex and The City. That's a little depressing. As superficial and perfunctory the show might have been, I not only enjoyed it thoroughly, but also learned a few things. That sounds a little pathetic, but it's quite true. I suggest you watch a couple of episodes and you let me know if you're not surprised by some of the things they say that just seem so... right. Take it from the gay writers of Sex and The City.

Thursday, February 19, 2004

So I've been thinking about my ability to judge character. I find that I have a better judgement of girls than I do of guys. I have this theory that girls have a "bitch-dar." You know... like how gay guys have a "gay-dar?" Well, I find that girls have a better intuition about other girls than we do about guys. In this case, I'm talking about relative bitchiness. =]
For Kai's birthday, we all went out to Hooter's to celebrate. Since they don't take reservations, Brian and I arrived early to put our names down. The last time we went, Holly and I tried to put our names down and the hostess was really bitchy to us. We then decided that Hooter's girls only liked guys. So this time around, I had Brian take care of things. So the girl was overtly nice to him and it was so obvious that she was flirting. When the others arrived, we were checking out the girls. Li and I decided that the hostess looked like a bitch, although Brian thought she was wonderfully nice. Gee, I wonder why. =] And no, I didn't think she looked like a bitch just because she was flirting with him because I honestly couldn't care less. Hell, I'm glad other girls find my guy attractive; it means I'm doing something right. =]
Anyway, back to my theory. I'm not sure if this whole bitch-dar thing happens because girls know girls or because girls are in a constant competition with each other. We're ten times more critical about other girls than we are about guys. Come on, girls. How many times have you looked back on an ex-boyfriend and thought, "How was I so blind? Why didn't I see that he was a total bastard?" There are far fewer times that we've been disappointed by girls since we have this constant, protective shell of harsh judgement. I mean, is it really surprising that so-and-so did yada yada yada? "I totally KNEW that she was a total bitch!" Whereas with guys, we're more like, "I thought he was such a nice guy! How could I have been so wrong?"
MAYBE it's the romantic attachment we have to guys. Upon closer examination of typical guy behavior, however, it doesn't work the other way around. Most guys I know really just get along with every other guy unless one of the following occurs: a) he's a complete greasy, sleazy, scum-bag -- so much so that it's blindingly obvious or b) he hurt your family/friend. But typically, the initial judgement doesn't occur unless some kind of extraordinary first impression, good or bad, was made. A guy's evaluation of a girl is even worse! Of course, upon first inspection, we look at the surface, the physical. No, it's not shallow -- it's normal. So the face, the body, the clothes, etc. is examined. "Would I do her?" Typical first question a guy may ask himself, even subconsciously. To them, there is no direct correlation between appearance and personality -- by this, I am speaking about the "not so obvious" cases (e.g. not overly dorky). On the other hand, we girls look at another girl and by appearance alone, we make a judgement. "Yeah, I can see why guys find her attractive, but she looks like a bitch."
Most of the time, we're right, too. But then again, it goes back to my original theory -- 'All men are bastards and all women are bitches.' Eh. You don't have to believe me. Hell. What could a bitch like me ever know? =P

Wednesday, February 11, 2004


Tuesday, February 10, 2004

How do you measure the amount of love you feel for another? Is it how much you are willing to do for another? Is it possible to be in a good relationship when one person loves the other person more than the feeling is reciprocated?
At a younger, more rash age, I might have acted on emotions alone. However, I've grown since then (at least I hope I have). "If I asked you to drop everything and run away with me, would you?" Isn't that the same as asking me to give up my life to live his? What about my life and my responsibilities? What about the other people and things I love? And then, if I didn't want to, would he leave? Then it becomes more like "Drop everything and run away with me; if you don't I'm leaving you." Is that not an ultimatum? Or is it more about me not loving him enough to do it?

Tuesday, February 03, 2004

It was my best friend's birthday yesterday. I called her and our conversation went something like this:
Tammy: You should go out for your birthday.
Stacey: Do you think I have time to go out?
Tammy: Haha. All right. Go out this weekend. Get drunk.
Stacey: So I can hurl all night?
Tammy: Sounds good to me. Don't forget to give me the "drunken call." You know, the one like I always give you when I'm drunk.
Stacey: Haha. Those. You know... "Hey, Stacey. I'm SOOOO~ drunk. Insert-extraneous-ex-boyfriend-name-here is SUCH a bastard!"
Tammy: Haha. You know the one!
Yeah... Always the best time to get drunk: realizing the last guy you dated is a f*cking bastard. Damn. Those were the days. =]