Tuesday, December 30, 2003

I am SO ready to go back up north. I guess I had forgotten how boring it is in Torrance. Eh. But what could I expect? "There's no dancing in Torrance!" Sigh. So sad.

Friday, December 26, 2003

So I was hanging out with Christine tonight and we went to Chili's for a late dinner. There was this really cute waiter there (as always since they like to employ cute guys). Anyhow, we asked our waiter for the other waiter's name and whatnot whatnot. Then we were discussing pick up lines and we decide to use one on the cute waiter. I consult with Brian to make sure it's not a crappy pick up line. He thinks it's amusing, so we decide to use it. So the cute waiter comes along with our bill (I guess our waiter had him bring it to us) and he's about to leave, so Christine says, "Wait. Come back here." Whereupon she says, "So I was wondering.... is that a keg in your back pocket?" And he's kind of confused and asks, "A keg?" She says, "Yeah... because I'd really like to tap that ass!" Hahahaha. We were amused. He kind of laughed and then left. Eh. It would've worked on me.

Wednesday, December 24, 2003

Well, I'm back in Torrance. I got in around 3 this morning. What a LONG drive. I guess I had forgotten what it felt like to make that drive. Bleh. Then I get to drive back up in January (but at least I'll have my Solara this time around).
So I went to the Raiders game on Monday. Wow, they suck. So disappointing. But it was fun. I met Brian's brother, too. He's amusing. =] So it was all good.
Didn't do a whole lot today. Had lunch with my mom and then went to get boba with Kazu. Good times, good times. I'm supposed to go hang out with Bryant later tonight. I called Robert, too, but I think he's spending time with his family and I wouldn't want to intrude on that. My sister went to Vegas for a couple of days. So yep. Pretty much home alone with my mom. I wonder how long the peace is gonna last. Haha.

Thursday, December 18, 2003

Well, the semester is over. School-wise, I think this has been the worst semester to date. After taking cs164 (compilers) and cs170 (algorithms), I just realized how little I care for CS. This isn't the major of my choice and I no longer have any motivation to do well in it. Before, I had at least a little bit of interest in what I was doing and I always had the motivation to do well. But this time around, I just couldn't get myself to do it. I now have this feeling of strong dislike for the subject, bordering upon hate. I can't imagine myself programming at a computer for the rest of my life; that's not the path I want to take. I laid out my plans for my future before I decided upon coming to Berkeley. I thought I would be fine getting a Bachelor's degree in computer science, to please my parents. And later, I would go back to school and do what I wanted to do with a Master's degree. I still have that plan, but it becomes increasingly difficult to feign interest in a subject I care so little for.

Tuesday, December 16, 2003

I wrote this over Thanksgiving break while I was sitting at home in Torrance. I guess I just didn't get the chance to post it:
For the first time in a long time, I looked through the box of all the stuff that Tony gave me (the one I stuffed into my closet because I couldn't stand looking at it anymore). I had forgotten that I had written so many letters to him, letters I didn't even give him. Looking at them now, I'm so glad I didn't give them to him. I think they were supposed to be therapeutic in writing and weren't meant to be read by anyone but me. As I read through them now, it's like a whole different person had written them. I had almost completely forgotten what it felt like to feel that naive first love. I had almost completely forgotten about how I felt about Tony. It's kind of sad, actually. I never wanted to forget that feeling. I guess it just faded away into the past. But reading them again now, I remember how hard it was for me to let go, how much it hurt to give up on my first love. I remember those nights when I stayed up crying because I was afraid I'd never feel the same way about anybody else. I remember being greatly saddened because I wanted to be a part of his life in some way, even if I wasn't his girlfriend... yet I was still pushed away. And as young as I was, I really do believe that it was love. That's simply because I have always wished him all the happiness in the world, something that he couldn't find with me. As much as he ever hurt me, I still think about him; not that I want him back or anything, I just like to think back on those days and smile. We were so young and naive, yet those feelings could still be evoked, proving once and for all that love doesn't have to do with age.
As much as the whole thing ever hurt me, I'm really glad it happened. I wouldn't be who I am today if things didn't turn out the way it did. I became a whole lot stronger after the incident. I don't really blame anybody for it anymore. It's something that everybody has to experience. To lose love is to appreciate it even more when it's there. I think, in a lot of ways, it really helped me learn more about life, love, as well as people. Most of all, I learned how strong I was. I know it's something that everybody goes through: the loss of love. And as much as it hurts in time, it eventually fades away. I'm glad I didn't let it affect my ability to be happy.
Then there was Eric. Even thinking about it now is difficult. A couple of weeks ago, Brian asked me about him and at first, I didn't want to talk about it. Eric and those events were shut away long ago and I didn't reveal much of it to anybody. I just chose to forget about it rather than deal with it. But in a lot of ways, that wasn't good for me because it's just been festering inside of me for so long. I just refuse to think about those times and how young, immature, and gullible I was. After thinking about it for awhile, I told him about it. Brian's the first person I've really opened up to about it. It gave me a feeling of relief, like I had finally lifted this weight off of my shoulders.

Thursday, December 11, 2003

Here's something I wrote as a reminder to myself to not be fooled by any guy:

Will you be there on rainy days?
Will you be there when I call?
I need to know, so tell the truth --
Will you catch me if I fall?

Do you really care for me?
Do you know me as a friend?
Can I always count on you?
Will you be there 'til the end?

Would you hold me if I cried?
Will you be there by my side?

Some things are best left unknown...
These answers may decide our fate
So if you love me, then tell me so.
It's now or never else it be too late.

Wednesday, December 10, 2003

Tammy reviews Final Fantasy X-2:
This is the first game in the Final Fantasy series to be a true sequel. It definitely strayed from the conventional style that has defined Final Fantasy in the past. Game play was non-linear; given an airship early in the game, the player is free to move about the fantasy world of Spira as s/he chooses. Each location provides "missions" for the heroines to complete; it's very Charlie's Angels-esque. The story is much lighter than its predescessor, complete with more upbeat and fun music (although, composer Nobuo Uematsu is noticeably absent).
Expecting a whole lot more after the amazing game that was Final Fantasy X, FFX-2 was a bit of a disappointment. It was extremely girly and cheesy. But what can you expect from girls like Yuna and Rikku? I also missed the Crystal Theme that is usually present in traditional FF games. That's not to say the music wasn't good because it was. What was most frustrating of all about this game was that there was no possible way I could've completed 100% of this game without a guide. That's a bit annoying since I'm a strong advocater of beating a RPG game solely based upon your own adventuring skills sans a walkthrough. That simply wasn't possible with this game. And once we found out there was an extra ending scene for getting 100% completion of the game, there was no stopping us. (By us, I mean Brian and me). Which meant we spent six hours levelling up to their maximum capacity and then proceeding through the extra "dungeon" of the game (a 100 level 'cloister') to meet a fiend that supposedly had the highest level on every stat (i.e. 999,999 HP, 9999 MP, etc). How the hell were we supposed to beat that without some sort of hint as to how to go about it? Consider the fact that this fiend could hit in the range of (20,000-50,000 HP) whereas our max HP was 17,000. Without some sort of guide, we would've never gotten through it. What hell. After finally completing the game, we got that extra scene. Let me just say that it was the BIGGEST disappointment of all. It wasn't even a real cut scene! So my suggestion to you if you're planning on playing this game (or already are), DON'T bother trying to get 100% completion or going through the Via Infinito Cloister of Trials in Bevelle. Don't do it!
In any case, it was a nice distraction from school. I guess I should go study now =].