Tuesday, February 16, 2010

I have always felt that I lead an extremely fortunate and lucky life. I am exceptionally privileged to be surrounded by incredibly talented, intellectual, hard working, and fascinating people. The likes of which these people are capable of never ceases to astound me.

While I am endlessly impressed and inspired by these people, I constantly find myself lacking and utterly failing to live up to that standard. It reminds me of a quote from Looking for Alaska by John Green regarding his feelings for a woman that was seemingly out of his league:

...I was gawky and she was gorgeous and I was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. ...if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was hurricane.

I find myself feeling slightly discouraged by it all from time to time, but then I realize that it just means I need to push harder, work more diligently, and strive higher consequently putting me back on the path with renewed vigor and vengeance. I will not fail those around me; I will live passionately, for everything life is worth.

This morning, as I was leaving the gym and walking to my car, a man approached me and said,

"You are stunning."

Then he walked away. No creepy come on or bullshit. Just a compliment.

Even for a second, even if it was just based on physical appearance, someone thought I was stunning. I almost cried.

Friday, February 12, 2010

I have no business looking at engagement rings, but I came across this wedding set by Kirk Kara and I fell in love. I would like this with the center diamond as either a round brilliant or princess cut as opposed to the emerald cut shown in the image. Did I ever mention how much I adore sapphires? *swoon*

Image courtesy of Kirk Kara

Thursday, February 11, 2010

I had a conversation over dinner last night that kept me awake, tossing and turning. When I got back to my apartment, my whole being felt agitated and uneasy. It must have been obvious because my roommate suggested going to Yogurtland to unwind. I could have used a glass or two... or hell, a whole bottle... of wine, but I suppose yogurt works just as well.

The topic of this stimulating conversation:

The need to be in deeply connected, fulfilling relationship.

I have spent the last two years trying to disprove this in my own life. All I had ever known before then was the happiness I felt from being validated by my relationships. I can honestly say that I am more comfortable with myself now more than ever and I'm the happiest I have ever been. I feel truly blessed in my life and I didn't need a man in it to achieve this.

My problem is with the word need. Sure, it would be nice to have a significant other to share my life with, but that's a want. I need water and food to survive. I don't need a relationship; I can live and be happy without one. However, being the romantic that I am, I also know that I will never feel complete without that deep, spiritual, emotional bond and love that you can only share with your soulmate.

If you can't feel complete without it, then you need it.

I hate being wrong but I didn't have a response. Even after an entire night of thinking about it, I can't deny it.

So then I began to think to about the futileness of my attempts to be completely free of a need for love. But truth be told, I needed this time alone to discover myself. Being at peace with myself and knowing who I am makes me a better person for whomever I share my life with. The reality of the situation, though, is that if I become complacent with my situation as it stands, it is no different than settling on the mediocrity of my past career. Similarly, I am comfortable with where I am now but I know that there is something better out there that will make me happier and feel complete. If I don't pursue that, I am doing a great disservice to myself.

At the end of the day, I do need love. Damn you for being right. On the positive side, dinner and your company was lovely, even if the restaurant didn't get your order right.

Image courtesy of Le Love

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

I have a thing for packaging. It's my inner arts and crafts side coming out. I absolutely adore the packaging on Vosges chocolates. I don't even know if the chocolates are good, but I want them just for the packaging. Gorgeous.

Images courtesy of Vosges
Addressing my new blog theme - a couple of years ago, my best friend, Stacey, sent me a story that I took to heart in a deep and profound way. It's a story I carry with me to this very day. It has helped me through many difficult situations and struggles in the last couple of years. A few months ago, my very good friend (who I've known and loved since middle school), Cindy, designed a personalized butterfly logo for me. (She is a truly amazing designer and you should check out her blog). When I saw the logo for the first time, it literally took my breath away. Perfection - blue is my favorite color, the heart represents my romantic view on life and love, and, of course, the butterfly itself from the story. The logo is a true representation of me, as is the writing in this blog. Thank you so much for being a part of my world and sharing in the experiences of my life. A special Thank You to Stacey for sharing the story that I hold so dear and to Cindy for creating "Tammy" in an image.

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Work is a little slow today so I found myself perusing Anthropologie. Why do I torture myself? I'm in love:

Images courtesy of Anthropologie
I'm beginning to believe that every romantic relationship will undoubtedly come to an end. Those that don't become more of a friendship than a romantic relationship.

In recent months, I have dated several men that have told me about passionate, wonderful relationships with incredible women that just end up "fizzing out." He didn't change; she didn't change. My take on it is that people get bored. That doesn't necessarily mean I believe that people are boring. On the contrary - most people are quite interesting with different habits, morals, thoughts, and actions. However, once you become intimately acquainted with these nuances, it is no longer interesting because you're not discovering anything new.

I've been seeing Mike for the last two months. We used to see each other quite frequently but recently, we've only been seeing each other once a week. This doesn't bother me - I'm a busy girl with a schedule, lots of friends, and big dreams. Translation: I'm not into this guy enough to make time for him or a relationship. Likewise, he doesn't pressure me to spend more time with him. I think we got too much of each other too quickly and now it's burnt out. You have to pace these things.

This same guy told me about one of his past relationships that he still looks back on rather fondly. They didn't break up because of a lack of love but because they had "already done everything."

Huh? I was confused by this statement, too.

He explained that in the two years they were together, they did everything: traveled, bought stuff, celebrated holidays, lived together, etc. He said that by the end of the relationship, if someone asked them what they wanted to do that weekend or even that day, they wouldn't have an answer because they felt like everything that could be done, had been done. Therefore, since there was nothing left to do, it would only go downhill from that point forward. So they decided to end things while they were still good so it never got to the point of complete boredom and loathing.

I do believe that relationships and bonds are made up of simple experiences of being together, so I'm still unsure of this reasoning. While boredom and routine happen to many couples, I would think that if the connection and deep rooted emotions were still prevalent, these wouldn't be an issue. I suppose what I'm really trying to say is that if someone is truly priceless to you, then you would work it out or at least attempt to. Ultimately, it's not about the things you do, achieve, or accumulate, it's about how you've done it together and all the small experiences in between. Just like life, relationships are about the journey, not the destination.

A part of me feels jaded. It's been a long time since I've really liked somebody and I'm not sure I remember how. Then again, I am and always will be a hopeless romantic.

I miss the feeling of excitement to hear my phone ring and see his name appear. I miss spending that extra fifteen minutes to get ready because I want to make sure I look good for him. Mostly, I miss giving unconditionally just because his happiness is mine.

When We Are Together
Image courtesy of Le Love