I was attacked by a crazy lady while crossing Market on Davis today.

So DJ and I were walking back to the office from a trip to the grocery store (yes, in the middle of the work day -- don't judge me) and I was telling him about thoughts of what I would do if I moved back down to LA.

"So if I moved back down and pursued the job that I actually want, I know that I'd have to start all over -- maybe as an intern or assistant. That pretty much means I won't be paid, so I would really have to consider moving into my parents' house. But just thinking about it makes my head want to explode!"

While I am talking, I notice a crazy looking (whatever that may look like, you can only imagine), rather large Asian lady crossing the street going in the opposite direction as us. Just as she passes by me, I am just completing my sentence: "...it makes my head want to explode!" She KICKS my leg and then proceeds to spat out, "Bitch!"

At first, I am just slightly stunned. What did I say to offend this woman? What did I do? Then I turn to DJ, "That woman just attacked me!" DJ responds, "What?? What just happened?" I can't believe he missed it! But then we just start laughing hysterically. I mean, it didn't really hurt, I was more surprised than anything else.

Of course, we are trying to logically reason this out. What did this woman have against me? DJ: "Well, if she was rather large, maybe she thought you were saying that SHE was going to explode. Or maybe she was just jealous because you're skinny." Hmm... or maybe she was just crazy! Whatever the case is, it certainly was an interesting... uhm... diversion? As long as this doesn't leave a bruise, I will continue to find it a rather amusing incident.

Oh, San Francisco. You are full of surprises.

I went to see a palm reader yesterday. I was walking back to the office from Coffee Bean and saw a sign for a palm reading. For whatever reason, I felt the need to go in and check it out. Unfortunately, I was already running late to a meeting as it was, so I decided I would go back in the afternoon. I probably should have discarded the thought of going back; it's one of those things that I should've done on impulse as opposed to planning a visit.

What she told me:

I will live a long life.
Ugh. I hope not. After seeing my grandparents deteriorate in such a way at an old age, I just don't think I could handle it. Aging is such a horrible disease. How about we find a cure for that?!

I am a happy person and show my smile a lot. Although I do not reflect this on the inside.
Great. Apparently, I "fake smile" a lot. Just like that one day a couple of weeks ago when it suddenly started to rain like crazy while I was taking a walk. As I said then, "Thanks, God. Why not let it rain? It'll match how I feel on the inside!"

I am a kind and giving person, a good person... BUT I won't get many favors in return in my life.
Wait. What? You mean I'll just keep giving and giving and GIVING, but I won't get anything back in return?! Crap! And here I thought that my kind and generous nature would eventually take me some place! So much for that plan.

In the last four months, I have been searching for a happiness that didn't turn out as I wanted.
The only thing she said that I thought, "Wow! That's spot on!"

I haven't met my soulmate.
No joke. If I had, wouldn't I be with him right now? Actually, I suppose this is better news. It would be worse if I had already met my soulmate and am still completely oblivious to who it is.

My heart is in mourning and grieving.
Well duh. You just said that I hadn't found the happiness I was searching for.

My career, in terms of financials and success, will remain fairly static for about a year. After a year, I will have new opportunities and be in control of my career.
Damn. Does that mean I don't have control right now? Eh. I suppose I can at least be grateful that I'll be financially stable for the next year.

There is a dark cloud over my aura.
What the hell does that mean? Like a rain cloud? Is it raining on my aura? Can I perform dark magic with this dark cloud?

There are two people in my life that are jealous of me and preventing me from finding my happiness.
Uhm... really? Jealous? Of me? Hah! That's pretty funny.

I can help you remove the dark cloud over your aura. I can also provide you with the names of the two people that are jealous of you. I have these special candles. There are nine of them and they burn for ninety days. By providing your full name and birthday and my special abilities, I will be able to do this for you. I do not charge for my services for this, but I do charge for the candles. They cost $280.
$280?! You've got to be joking! What kind of candles are these?! Now if they were those cool Babylon candles from Stardust that will transport you anywhere you want to be with just a thought... well then, hey, I'm on board! But now I'm curious as to whose names will be revealed by these candles. Will it be John and Steve? Or Mike and Christine? *Rolling my eyes* Or, I suppose, she could just Google me -- after all, it does take ninety days for those candles to burn.

Some words of wisdom from two wise friends --

In reference to stalking a MySpace page as opposed to calling someone:
"[It's] better [to be] creepy than heartbroken and desperate with awkward interaction." -ST

"Don't let stupid boys break your heart."-HN

So I am setting some short term goals and deadlines for myself:

03.17.08 - 04.17.08
Vegetarian month
I haven't done it yet this year and I figured it was a good month because I'm already eating very little based on my mood. It feels good, though.

05.17.08
Move decision
I needed to give myself two months to make this decision. I just want to make sure that I want to move for the right reasons -- for me.

08.01.08
Size 0-2, 115 lbs.
I want to look damn good for my sister's wedding. Those photos are going to be displayed for a LONG time, so I better look good. Plus, the wedding is in LA, so I really can't slack with all the beautiful people everywhere!

03.17.08 - 09.17.08
Abstain from dating
This is going to be the toughest one. I haven't stayed single for longer than two months since high school. I just need to take time for myself and I figured six months is a good way to start. Tammy has officially taken herself off the market. We'll see how long this will last. I'll certainly try to maintain this. So, Mr. Right, should you come along before this six month period is over, I hope you will wait for me.

I feel so much better after setting these goals and deadlines. It just feels like I'm really working toward making myself a better person, understanding myself better, and finding real happiness.