my take on it

I went to see a palm reader yesterday. I was walking back to the office from Coffee Bean and saw a sign for a palm reading. For whatever reason, I felt the need to go in and check it out. Unfortunately, I was already running late to a meeting as it was, so I decided I would go back in the afternoon. I probably should have discarded the thought of going back; it's one of those things that I should've done on impulse as opposed to planning a visit.

What she told me:

I will live a long life.
Ugh. I hope not. After seeing my grandparents deteriorate in such a way at an old age, I just don't think I could handle it. Aging is such a horrible disease. How about we find a cure for that?!

I am a happy person and show my smile a lot. Although I do not reflect this on the inside.
Great. Apparently, I "fake smile" a lot. Just like that one day a couple of weeks ago when it suddenly started to rain like crazy while I was taking a walk. As I said then, "Thanks, God. Why not let it rain? It'll match how I feel on the inside!"

I am a kind and giving person, a good person... BUT I won't get many favors in return in my life.
Wait. What? You mean I'll just keep giving and giving and GIVING, but I won't get anything back in return?! Crap! And here I thought that my kind and generous nature would eventually take me some place! So much for that plan.

In the last four months, I have been searching for a happiness that didn't turn out as I wanted.
The only thing she said that I thought, "Wow! That's spot on!"

I haven't met my soulmate.
No joke. If I had, wouldn't I be with him right now? Actually, I suppose this is better news. It would be worse if I had already met my soulmate and am still completely oblivious to who it is.

My heart is in mourning and grieving.
Well duh. You just said that I hadn't found the happiness I was searching for.

My career, in terms of financials and success, will remain fairly static for about a year. After a year, I will have new opportunities and be in control of my career.
Damn. Does that mean I don't have control right now? Eh. I suppose I can at least be grateful that I'll be financially stable for the next year.

There is a dark cloud over my aura.
What the hell does that mean? Like a rain cloud? Is it raining on my aura? Can I perform dark magic with this dark cloud?

There are two people in my life that are jealous of me and preventing me from finding my happiness.
Uhm... really? Jealous? Of me? Hah! That's pretty funny.

I can help you remove the dark cloud over your aura. I can also provide you with the names of the two people that are jealous of you. I have these special candles. There are nine of them and they burn for ninety days. By providing your full name and birthday and my special abilities, I will be able to do this for you. I do not charge for my services for this, but I do charge for the candles. They cost $280.
$280?! You've got to be joking! What kind of candles are these?! Now if they were those cool Babylon candles from Stardust that will transport you anywhere you want to be with just a thought... well then, hey, I'm on board! But now I'm curious as to whose names will be revealed by these candles. Will it be John and Steve? Or Mike and Christine? *Rolling my eyes* Or, I suppose, she could just Google me -- after all, it does take ninety days for those candles to burn.