I'm not sure what gave her the impression that I would know, but I tried my best to answer. "I think it's because organic milk is ultra-pasteurized although I can't tell you what that really means."
"Oh! Well, I only asked you because you look like you're smart, technically savvy. Well, thanks." And she went on her merry way.
It's not that I mind being perceived as intelligent, but how does one look like s/he is "smart" and "technically savvy" (I think she really meant "technologically savvy")? Mind you, I was wearing low-ride jeans and a San Francisco-themed Paul Frank baby tee and not a pair of suspenders with a graphing calculator clipped to the belt.
What is it that causes people to perceive characteristics of a person upon first glimpse? I am surreptitiously glancing at the bleach blonde, incredibly thin, perfectly tanned girl (wearing a bikini top and shorts small enough to not leave anything to the imagination) sitting at the table across from me at this cafe and I automatically assume she's another actress/model trying to make it in Hollywood. Who knows, though? Maybe she's actually an aerospace engineer trying to absorb her daily dose of vitamin D from the sun during her lunch break.
My point is, first appearances can be deceiving. I've been told that I am intimidating and unapproachable at first glance. I can understand this perception and it is highly probable that I promote this image of myself because it is far better to pleasantly surprise as opposed to disappointing someone. Regardless, a person can "put on" appearances as s/he pleases, but it is at the sole discretion of the outsiders to perceive him/her as they will.
I have consistently struggled with the theme of perception. The many layers make it difficult to determine what "true self" means. There is the way I want to be perceived versus the way I think I'm perceived versus the way I actually am perceived. It's so much to keep track of that I eventually will just need to throw up my hands in surrender to societal generalizations and views.
What truly concerns me is when I look in the mirror, I have difficulty answering the questions "Who am I?" and "What defines me?" Surely it is not only the narrowly defined representations forced upon me by society. Yet at the same time, there are instances when a person can accurately be defined by generalized characteristics. For example, I can see someone as courageous, driven, passionate. I do not believe that there is "nothing else to him," but it is his essence and what sets him apart from everyone else. I think what really defines a person are not only personality traits, but the experiences that contribute to your outlook on life and your very being.
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| The Magic Mirror from Beauty and the Beast |
Wouldn't it be easy if we all had a Magic Mirror that would reflect not an image but a definition? It would find "you" in the "Magic Mirror dictionary" and display exactly who you are.
Disclaimer:
I meant for this to be a whimsical post about striking up conversations with random people, but it somehow turned into a philosophical examination of self and perception. Nice, Tammy.
Duh, Twitter was not cutting it, and it just did not occur to me that I could leave a comment on yer blog until you mentioned it.
ReplyDeleteMy first reaction about the woman thinking you look smart, is that you look smart because you're asian. But then since you didn't mention that, I thought maybe she was asian too.
The whole subject of who we are vs. how we think others see us vs. how others really see us is pretty fascinating to me. Certainly no one will ever really know you (if you are a complex person; and from what little I know of you I think you are). Even if you are married 50 years your spouse will know your habits and personality, but you're not likely to tell him every thought that comes into your head. One thing I find very interesting is that I think most people don't really understand how others see them. It took me years to realize that when I'm annoyed, my vocal inflection can make me sound far more irritated than I really am. My friends ignore it because they know me, but acquaintances and strangers who hear that voice probably think I'm far more surly and annoyed by things than I really am. Once I realized it, I tried to tone down the level of annoyance in my voice to my actual level of annoyance (which is usually pretty low), but it's hard. I think that's why some actors say they hate seeing themselves on screen: they're creeped out by how different they are from an outside perspective (just like how many of us don't like hearing our own voice). I'm sure I would cringe seeing myself on screen.
I think how we define ourselves can be broken down into two types of people: those who define themselves by how others perceive them, and those who define themselves by how they feel inside. People who carefully dress a certain way so people will define them by their style and people who seek, and feed on praise, define who they are by the feedback they get. More introspective people are less concerned with what others think and their self-esteem comes from a more complex soup of values and whatever psychological damage was caused by their parents.
ReplyDeleteThe thing you say about the "experiences that contribute to your outlook on life" reminds me of people who like to brag about all the places they've been. People think they are interesting because they've travelled. I only think they are interesting if they reflect about interesting things they've seen in other cultures (that help us have perspective about our own). It's not the experience itself, but what can you communicate about what you've learned from the experience. The late great Galen Rowell defined his photography as being a component of his adventure lifestyle; he was never a mere observer of nature. He had disdain for tourists who go to a spot to get a trophy photo to prove they were there, but who didn't actually appreciate or really enjoy nature.
Gosh I've rambled far too long. I obviously really liked your post. I hope I said something interesting.
Dave
Geez. You could've written your own blog post with that.
ReplyDeleteWhile I do believe that it is everyone's goal to be less affected by society's standards and views, I also think we adhere to those same rules so that we do fit in and are not treated as outcasts. A person can be introspective and still be concerned with what people think of them. In some cases, perhaps it's necessary. In college, people used to tell me that I came off as arrogant. I wasn't concerned about it because I didn't feel like I was being arrogant nor did I feel like I was better than anyone else. At the end of the day, though, intentions matter very little when the outcome shows otherwise. I am now much more conscious of the words I choose and the tone of voice I use because I don't want people to mistakenly feel as though I am being condescending.
On the flip side, I do feel as though I am far too concerned with what people think of me. I take it very personally when somebody doesn't like me or is mad at me. That must be one of those deep psychological issues stemming from my parents and childhood.
Referring to "experiences that contribute to your outlook on life," perhaps I was unclear there (I think it has to do with the fact that I bolded the word 'experiences'). I meant this in the sense that people draw different things from the same experiences. It's not the experience itself that defines you, but what you take from it. It's about taking tragedies, criticisms, happiness and forming opinions and characteristics from them. Lessons learned, ya know?
Hell, I feel like *I* just wrote another blog post. Nicely done.