Is this not the sweetest thing ever? =]
"I don't see why people spend so much time looking into the heavens searching for sparkling stars, when the brightest ones are found here on Earth. It is amazing that the one I found was allowed to fall into my arms, as I am continually blinded by the luminescent beauty that radiates from every look, gesture, and smile."
[quoted from Brian's profile]

I had the best birthday this year.
Friday: Had my BIG celebration dinner at Hua-Hin. Yes, yes; it's a Thai restaurant and I don't like Thai food. It just happens to be the only semi-decent restaurant in Berkeley that eveyone could get to (not enough cars to go elsewhere). Anyhow, lots of people showed up (I didn't realize I knew that many people). So I had my suitemates on one side of the table and my CS friends on the other side. But yeah. It was fun. After dinner, we went over to Li's place (thanks for letting me borrow it!) and proceeded to get drunk. Heh. That was fun. I'm quite amusing when I drink. We had an orgy-like thing. After awhile, I kind of just passed out on top of Brian (after making out with him for a good amount of time first, or course). In any case, it seemed like everybody had fun, so that's all good.
Saturday: Ed drove up to celebrate our birthdays (Brian and me). So Holly, Ed, Brian, and I went to House of Prime Rib in San Francisco. Mmm... prime rib... It was really good. Then we had to HAUL ASS to The Geary Theater where we saw Les Liaisons Dangereuses. We were running really late after dinner and we were speed walking for a mile from the restaurant to the theater. We actually made pretty good time. After the play, we headed back to Berkeley where we went to Mondo Gelato for ice cream. Then to our spot...
Sunday: At the lookout spot, I had the most amazing, wonderful moment of my life. Brian gave me a beautiful ring from Tiffany's. From that moment, I pledged myself to him and him to me.... That night, he made me dinner and we had champagne to celebrate our many special moments to come. With him, forever really does mean forever.

As a full-fledged American citizen, I have yet to register to vote. I get the impression that people look down on me for that. "It's a privilege to be living in a democratic society in which you have a say in what goes on." Yes, yes. I get the point. Americans are spoiled because we have a so-called democratic bureaucracy. Well, if votes are so important, how is it that we give the "privilege" of voiting to idiotic, ignorant people? Here is a snippet of a conversation I had with one of these types:
Person: "I hate Republicans. All they care about is taking care of the rich. I'm voting for everything/everyone that is Democrat."
Me: "Uh... do you even know their platforms? Do you even know what half these propositions are about?"
Person: "No. But I'm going to vote anyway because my vote counts and I don't want Republicans to win."
Me: "Uh... all right. You do that."
Person: "Come on. Let's go."
Me: "I'm not registered."
Person: "Why not? There are SO many people who don't get that privilege and you're letting it go to waste? Don't you want a say it what happens?"
Me: "Well, sure. It's a privilege. But I'm not about to make a stupid vote. I'm ill prepared to vote: I don't know the propositions nor the candidates' stands on issues. I'm not about to make a random vote like that. If I had the time, I'd research it all and then I can make an educated decision."
Person: "Whatever. I hate Republicans."
Right. If you're going to argue with me, at least have some kind of argument ready. In any case, after watching the gubernatorial debate last night, I realized how screwed California is. You've got candidates saying that "people leaving California for better jobs in Arizona and Nevada" is just an illusion. Wishful thinking or incomplete knowledge? Then you've got candidates wanting to attack the Bush Administration. News flash. They are in New Hampshire; we are in California. There's gotta be a good 30 states between here and there. Right... Then you've got outirght personal attacks coming from all the candidates about each other smack in the middle of what is supposed to be an educated debate to sway people to your side. Sorry to say, but those petty fights make asses out of those candidates when they should be discussing real issues.
We're doomed. I guess it's time to pack up and move to Arizona or Nevada. Oh, no. Wait. That was an illusion, wasn't it?

Why Brian loves me =] :
10 Things That I Love About You:
10) I love that weird sense of humor of yours, which leaves me speechless and confused
9) I love your bluntness and honesty
8) I love that piercing nagging tone your voice takes on when you complain (which is always)
7) I love your eyes, even though they are small and beady (heheh)
6) I love that weird swaying motion your hips take when you walk
5) I love that I can talk about sports with you
4) I love how comfortable you make me feel
3) I love the warm beautiful smile I am sometimes blessed with
2) I love how you're always a mess
1) I love that in you I have found someone that I cannot live without, a soul mate

You know what? I turned around, left that brick wall, and found something infinitely better. The road was a little scary at first, but I'm so glad I took it. And now, I can't imagine myself any place else because this is the only place I want to be.

"I finally felt that wonderful feeling of terror. You know, that feeling that you get when you're up there without a net." - Ally McBeal
This really is a wonderful feeling of terror. I mean, each time I was with somebody, I knew that I had a safety net. It's kind of scary without one, but so wonderful at the same time. For once, I trust enough in us to believe that I don't need that safety net; if I fell, I know you'd catch me. How do I know this? Because you're my best friend, my twin flame, and everything else in-between. I know I've been mistaken before, but I had made the mistake of trying to patch up old wounds and restructure my broken heart. But with you, I grew a new one, better than the last, and entrusted it with you because you deserve that and so much more. I know, without a doubt, that you'll always, always be with me as I will always be with you.

I love you because you make me feel special.
I love you because you are my best friend.
I love you because you make my stomach do flippy-turns.
I love you because you make my heart skip a beat whenever you look in my eyes.
I love you because you make me laugh.
I love you because you understand me.
I love you because you have always been there for me.
I love you because you put up with my nagging and whining.
Most of all, I love you because you love me for everything I am, everything I'm not, and everything I can be.
One month has gone and passed and I know there are so many more to come... with you.

Ally: Love isn't always enough.
Larry: Yes it is. You go without it long enough, you'll realize it's everything.

Larry: I've been debating with myself whether I should move back to Detroit or Canada just to be closer to Sam, but... truth is, I don't have a choice. The biggest part of me is here and even if I moved away, the biggest part of me will still be here.
Ally: Me?
Larry: You.

From season four of Ally McBeal. Gosh... this show was so great.

I allowed Tony to define high school for me. I WILL NOT ALLOW HEART BREAK TO DEFINE COLLEGE FOR ME. I refuse! I've had the best times of my life in these past two years at Berkeley. I'm not going to look back and allow SOME GUY ruin it for me. This time, it's not all about the relationship (or the end of it)... it's really about the experience.

Finally, CS61B -- Summer 2003 is OVER. I hope all of my students had a good time. I know I did. I still don't think I was a very good TA, but at least I always there for them. I think I was more of a friend than a TA, which is kind of cool, too. But yeah. I hope I made some kind of a difference in their lives. I had fun. I'm kind of sad that it's over, but I guess I'll be seeing more of them in Soda and whatnot. Well, I hope they all do really well in their future endeavors. =]

Twin Flames have no karma to work out between them, there never has been, never will be and come together for no other reason than unconditional love. Twin Flames love each other with no expectation of the other and with no conditions attached to the giving of that love. It is easy to say that you love someone unconditionally but you need to ask yourself could you love this person if for some reason they could not remain with you? Could you give your love to this person with no expectations, not even that the love will be returned or even recognized? Can you love this person for no other reason than there is simply no other option available to you? If you can answer a resounding (and honest) yes to all of the above then you are experiencing unconditional love. But be careful here my friend for Spirit is listening and may put that love to the test, Spirit may require that you prove yourself worthy of this love and place you in a situation wherein you must truly discover if this is an unconditional love by separating you, sometimes only temporarily sometimes permanently, depending on what lessons you have to learn in this lifetime.
Which brings us to another point, Twin Flames are earned not a given, you must prepare yourself to be able to join with your twin flame, it is not an automatic, it is a gift. And as a gift, it is truly a privilege to know your Twin Flame but you must be ready. How do you become ready you ask? Well you will have to learn to love deeper than you ever thought possible and that usually means meeting, loving and losing "near twins" which are in reality Companion Soul Mates. Are you brave and strong enough to be able to risk loving with your heart and soul just to have the dream shattered? If not then seeking your Twin Flame is not for you for you must deepen your capacity to love before you can know unconditional love and that means experiencing pain as well as joy. The more pain you have experienced the more joy you are capable of holding within. Sometimes the cup of love must be completely shattered before it can be built strong enough to hold the love of your Twin Flame. Steel is tempered through flame and your heart must be tempered through pain before it is strong enough to protect the love of your Twin.
When Twin Flames come together they become one, they are not like each other, they are the mirror image of the other. They think alike, they hold the same values and often their life experiences are very similar, sometimes they will actually look like each other. By that they will have similar builds, bone structures and features. This is not however a guide as to whether you have met your Twin Flame or not.
Twin Flames do not teach each other, they learn together and help each other learn the lessons that have been set before them in this lifetime. When Twin Flames come together they join forces and are capable of overcoming obstacles the average mortal could not begin to face. They are so filled with unconditional love they literally glow with it and have much to share with others. They are the inspiration that poets write about and singers sing about.
Another warning I would give at this point is that it is important that we avoid the trap of measuring each relationship against what we believe a Twin Flame to be. For by doing this we lose the opportunity of experiencing all the love that is placed in front of us. Keep in mind that no matter what, if we are to be with our Twin Flame then it will happen and by experiencing the loves placed before us by Spirit we are preparing for the day that we meet this special, special person. We also need to keep in mind that we are not destined to meet our Twin Flame in each and every lifetime. The chances of meeting this one perfect mirror is very slim, it does happen and it seems to be happening more now than ever before, but there are no guarantees.
Personally I feel it is more important to be aware of the different types of Soul Mates than it is to seek this one perfect relationship, or to label each relationship we have. Simply knowing this information is more often enough for it helps us understand why we feel such strong connections to people. This is the reason that I have stopped leading the Discussion Groups in SpiritWeb Chat on Sundays on this topic, I felt that there were people that were putting on the blinders to other relationships and searching only for the Twin Flame, please don't do that. This is not the intention behind this sharing of information.

Soul Mates and Twin Flames are not the same thing. Soul Mates are other souls that have agreed to connect with you on this planet for a purpose. In some cases it is to clear up karma, in other cases it is to finish unfinished business, and for some it is to accomplish a particular goal together. These relationships may be a joy to be in or these relationships may be a pain in your life. Either way they are here for a reason.
When Soul Mates first meet they sometimes feel as if they already know each other. They may feel very familiar to each other. Soul Mates can have a beautiful relationship together, but it will take work. Soul Mate relationships may last a lifetime and others may only be for a particular purpose and be temporary. You can have more than one Soul Mate in a lifetime.
Twin Flames are very different and very rare. Twin Flames are two people in two separate bodies that share the same Soul. Twin Flames meet each other in their first incarnation so that they remember the soul frequency of the other being. They are then usually reunited on their last time to this planet. If Twin Flames meet before they are ready they can be the total opposite and not at all compatible. When Twin Flames meet and are ready for each other, it is the most enjoyable experience possible on Earth.
At this point, Twin Flames are almost identical. They truly compliment each other and it is a hardship for them to be apart. As an outside observer it is sometimes hard to distinguish the two people. They also have a very strong bond and often have telepathy with each other. Their lives even before meeting each other have many parallels. Again, meeting your Twin Flame is very rare on this planet.

Friday: I had the most amazing date ever. First we went to a vegetarian restaurant, Millenium, since I was on a vegetarian streak again. Then, we went to see the musical Chicago at the Golden Gate Theatre. The music, the setting, and everything else was so amazing. I really enjoyed it. Then we headed on back to Berkeley and had some gelato at Mondo Gelato. And after that, he took me up toward what is now known as "The Rice Crew's Spot" to see the view (it's somewhere up the hills). It was so beautiful. Everything was so perfect. I've never had a guy plan out a date like that for me. It was so wonderful and I didn't want the night to end. Thank you, Brian, for the perfect date and the perfect company. =]
Saturday: It seems our summer is coming to an end. =[ Ed's leaving. So for his last night with us, we went to Houston's for dinner. Brian and I decided to drop the vegetarian thing so we could properly say goodbye to Ed. The food was SO good. Awwww. We're gonna miss Ed a lot. He certainly made this summer fun and interesting. We'll miss you!
Thank you to everyone who made this summer a memorable one. There have been a lot of ups and downs, but my friends have stuck by me until the end. I love you guys. Thanks for turning this summer around and making it the best one yet. I know we've got many more memories to share and I'm glad it's with you guys. =]

What exactly keeps a person from being with somebody who is emotionally, spiritually, and physically compatible with you? I'm feeling a lot of things at once and it's very confusing. But damn! I didn't know there was SUCH physical compatability.

Day 8: Since I've become vegetarian, I've lost a lot of energy. I totally can't lift anymore. It's kind of sad. Well, I tried. I could do one set, but that was about it. Yeah. And then back on down to box. Fun! I'm actually kind of glad all those negative emotions made me turn toward working out. I've lost weight and have become more fit. I like my body like this! So pretty. =] Hahaha.

Had quite the eventful day yesterday. Went through every human emotion possible. Since Brian had won so much money the previous night at Cache Creek, he decided to treat the Rice Crew out to lunch at California Pizza Kitchen. Afterwards, we headed over to Best Buy and Toys R Us to buy video games =]. That was pretty exciting. Brian bought me Bomberman for my GameCube.
While we were in the parking lot of Best Buy, some stupid woman in a Chrysler decides it would be fun to back out of a parking space without looking back and hit Brian's car. We were not amused. So she gets out of the car, looks at her car and says, "Thank God!" Her car seemed perfectly fine. Then she looks over at Brian's car and says, "It's okay. Everything's fine. Nothing happened." So Ed (who is in the passenger seat) looks out the window and looks at the front right side of the car (the part she hit) and it was obviously NOT okay. So the woman goes off about how there's already dents in Brian's car and that she didn't do anything to it. We're kind of pissed off because OBVIOUSLY, she hit the car and there was damage. So the guy in the passenger of her car gets out and goes off about it, too. By this time, I'm already pissed off, even though it's not my car. So we all get out of the car to look at the damage. The guy is going off about how you just have to "push it back in" and that it'll cost $75. Well, when I looked at it, I knew that there was no way in HELL that it would cost less than $500 to fix. So I say something to the extent of, "That's going to cost way more than $75 to fix." So the guy looks at me and says, "Well, little girl, how many cars do you own? I've owned a lot of cars and I know how much things cost." I was SO PISSED. I would've btiched him out if it was my car they had hit, but since it wasn't, I didn't feel that it was my place to start shit. Anyhow, they didn't want to go through the hassle of insurance, so the woman gave Brian her license number and phone number. After they went in to Best Buy, we called the number and realized it was a fake. So Brian goes peeling back into Best Buy to hunt them down while Ed and I take pictures of her license and other crap to identify the car. She claimed that she had just moved and must've given her old number. Whatever.
Since we were all pretty frustrated by the whole thing, we decided to go to Malibu Grand Prix for a night of fun. I drove this time around. Ed and Brian wanted to drive the go-karts, so Holly and I decided to be their passengers. I think Brian tried to kill me. Haha. Kidding, kidding. I completely trust Brian with my life and I don't think he would ever SERIOUSLY injure me. So anyway, it was pretty fun, except I kept getting tossed around the kart and the seat belt was digging into me and hurting me. Otherwise, fun stuff. Then we headed over to the arcade area. Brian and I were competing against each other in that Hot Shot Basketball shooting game thing. I totally kicked his ass. It was great. Haha. =] I had fun with it. Then Brian and Ed went to the batting cages while Holly and I cheered them on. Heh heh. "Go, Rice Reject! Go, Rice Bucket!"
On the ride back to Berkeley, we saw a Porsche Carrera and Brian and Ed were like, "Follow it, Tammy! Don't let it smoke your Camry!" Haha. So I spent about a minute trying to stick with it, but then I hit a trafficky area and it was pulling crazy cuts that I would never be able to make in my Camry. So we lost it. =[ But it was still pretty fun.
After getting back, Brian hung out with me at my apartment playing Bomberman. I beat him at that, too. Haha. I was TOTALLY on a roll. But then I got tired so we stopped playing and we just talked. I guess we pretty much always go back to talking about the same thing. I think I've become a bit more resigned, like Brian. *shrug* Who knows? Anyhow, we went to bed around 3am. We didn't realize it was that late and Brian didn't feel like driving home, so he stayed over. It was pretty... interesting... and a bit... confusing. I mean, he's stayed over plenty of times before and it was the same. But uhma... yeah. Ask either one of us about it. I'll be embarrassed and Brian will giggle. I woke up feeling all disoriented and confused.
I think there's a lot of validity in Brian's claims. But somehow, I could never see it that way. Last night made things a little bit different. More on this later.

Heh heh heh. =] I hung out with The Rice Crew (minus Charlie) tonight and we went to Cache Creek (Indian casino). Heh heh heh. Brian and I were at the black jack tables while Holly and Ed played the slots. Heh heh heh. I'm all giddy. I left with $60 more than I went in with! And Brian! He was $100 up! Heh heh heh. We had fun. *giggle giggle* I was on a GREAT streak at black jack. I played for like 15 minutes and was up $60. I had decided before we went in that I would stop at plus/minus $50. I didn't realize I had hit the $50 and bet another $10, hence the extra. I really wanted to keep playing because I was on a winning streak, but decided that I should quit at my limit (I have strong will power!). Then I went with Ed and Holly to play the slots. I won them some money, but then they lost it all. =[ Then Brian came to find us and he was up $100! He was all happy and peppy. It was good. We all had fun. =] Afterwards, Brian and I took a picture of all our money. Heh heh heh. We're dorks.

I had quite a busy day yesterday. I finally slept until a semi-decent time (9:30am). I find that I've been unconsciously waking up at 8am every day. I hate it when there's so much crap going on in my mind that can't even sleep. I haven't taken the sleeping pills again, so you guys don't have to worry about me. Yoga is actually a better solution than sleeping pills. Anyhow. So I got up and went online for awhile (talking to Christine and Chris). Then, all of the sudden, it was noon and I hadn't showered. That was bad since I was supposed to meet Carolen for lunch at 12:30pm. So I quickly showered, got dressed, and hauled ass to campus. We had lunch at Stuffed Inn, as always. But now that I'm vegetarian, I've lost all appetite, so I didn't eat very much. Then I hung out with Carolen in Soda while she held office hours. Afterwards, I headed down to lab. Then, after lab, Robert came and picked me up from Soda so we could go to dinner at Macaroni Grill (mmm...). That was a lot of fun! Since it was still early, we decided to catch Tomb Raider 2. Wow. Angelina Jolie is HOT. I still think she's got huge lips, but DAMN! Anyhow, I had fun. It was a good day.
So there's this one scene in Tomb Raider where Angelina Jolie PUNCHES a shark in the face. I was highly amused/impressed. Now THAT'S how I want to fight. =] That would be FABULOUS!

How have you been lately?
Fabulous. The weather is fabulous. My friends are fabulous. My family is fabulous. Absolutely fabulous.

Day 7: Did some bench presses and saw a hot girl. She was hot. I kept wondering what major she was in because it definitely wasn't CS. =] Then I did some curls and a leg workout. It felt good. I haven't been to the gym in awhile and I missed the happy endorphins going through my body. Then we (Charlie, Brian, Ed, and I) headed on down to the boxing room. Heh =]. Since we had wraps, we did some REAL stuff. Or at least I felt more comfortable hitting the bag since it didn't kill my hands. It was still a bit uncomfortable because we forgot to bring the tape and the wrap is kind of thin (Ed and Brian took the cloth ones). Charlie was full on going at it and started to bleed, so I had to protect him from the bag. That was fun. Then we headed over to Charlie and Brian's apartment so Charlie could wash up. We took a cool picture of me kicking Charlie's ass! Haha. =]
So I'm vegetarian again. For how long this time? Until my heart is done re-growing. I'm trying to cleanse my body of the past so that I can truly start anew. Even though a part of me would still like to hold on, I know it's really not going to do me any good. So I've had a slight detour from my path in life. So I fell into a huge ditch. I'm not going to sit at the bottom of the hole and rot there. I have to climb out... and every good climber knows to NOT LOOK DOWN. So I just have to climb on out without looking back. I'm working on it.