3 days after writing my post about Zachary Quinto and who do I see as I'm walking out of my gym? Of course, it's Zachary Quinto! And of course, as my luck would have it, I am sweaty and not in any sort of good form to approach him and tell him how great I think he is. Even if I knew what to say or looked semi-decent, I couldn't get my mouth to form any words. I think it was the most retarded moment of my life.

"Most people would rather be certain they're miserable than risk being happy." - Robert Anthony

I saw this quote written on a board while waiting for my nonfat White Chocolate Dream Latte from Coffee Bean. (It's heaven in a cup). It struck a chord with me immediately and I am 100% certain that it is true. My immediate thought was, "I must Twitter this and share it with the rest of the world! What an epiphany!"

What I've come to realize in the past two years of my life is that there is no reason why I can't attain my dreams. Growing up the "Asian way" meant that I put aside all of my "foolish, childish" dreams and pursued a reliable, steady, responsible lifestyle. What this translates to is going to a good college, receiving a practical degree, working a job that can provide for comfortable yet lavish spending habits, and marrying a Chinese man that makes more money than I do and can support me.

My second year in college, I chucked 25% of those expectations by dating someone *gasp* Black. I was a disappointment, an embarrassment to my parents. "What will I tell my friends," my mother would tearfully cry to me. Sorry, mom; this is nothing against you, I didn't do this to hurt you, and it's not a reflection of how I was raised. The following four years, I struggled with a need to please my parents and my own need to live my life. In truth, it made me miserable.

While there were many good times in those four years, I know, looking back, that the relationship lasted much longer than it should have. We were both unhappy. But I was stubborn... and afraid. What if this was as good as it got? What if I never found anyone else? What if I ended up alone? I was certain of one thing: I was unhappy, but it felt comfortable. I was unwilling to risk discomfort for happiness. It sounds silly now.

Two years ago, after having worked "the job that can provide for comfortable yet lavish spending habits" for two years, I came to a realization: I dreaded getting up in the morning to drag myself to work. Very clearly, I remember one morning standing at the door to get into the office. We had to use our badge on the card reader to unlock the door. As I raised my badge to unlock the door, I let out a loud sigh thinking, "Here we go again." At that very moment I knew for certain that I was miserable. I kept at it for another year. Why? I was certain that I was miserable, but again, I was afraid. What else could I do? I had no education or background in anything but technology. Where could I go? What if I didn't make enough money? What if I couldn't find another job? I didn't have the courage to leave comfort and stability for the land of what ifs. It sounds ridiculous now.

Settling on stable and comfortable despite being miserable is easier to swallow than risking it all to be happy. It's the fear of being wrong. It's the fear of the unknown. It's the fear of never making it. Standing still is truth, fact, a certainty.

It takes a tremendous amount of fortitude and resolution to be able to pursue real happiness. It requires a constant level of discomfort until reaching the desired goal. Is it worth it? In my opinion, absolutely.

Shortly after posting the quote on Twitter, I got a response back: "Are you talking about me?!"

It certainly was not directed at any one person in particular, but I want you to know that I have an immeasurable amount of respect for you and the passion that you display consistently. If anything, you risk it all. You are the reason I left certain misery for a chance at happiness.

I've found yet another talented male celebrity to obsess over. This time, it's actor Zachary Quinto.


My streak continues in finding sexiness and allure in the most incredibly talented men in the world. Quinto's character, Sylar, in NBC's hit TV show, Heroes, intrigued me. His portrayal of the legendary character, Spock, in the critically acclaimed and well-received Star Trek movie (directed by J.J. Abrams, another wildly talented man) sealed the deal. I am simply in awe.

After conferring with several girl friends, I've concluded that Quinto has an appeal based upon the roles he has taken on.

As Sylar on Heroes, he is the dark, brooding "villain" with a penchant for power any way he can get it. He's complicated and deep; his struggles with identity, self-esteem, and outward validation of self stem from his troubled upbringing and a constant feeling of being "out of place." Women love that. We have dreams of finding one of these men, fixing and nourishing them until they've magically changed into a warm, loving man. Then we can take the credit for bringing happiness and normalcy to a man that still keeps a touch of inner "bad boy."


Zachary Quinto as Sylar on NBC's Heroes
As Spock in Star Trek, Quinto plays a man struggling with identity. He battles between logic and emotion, something I personally face on a daily basis. Much of the time, Spock chooses logic, showing little to no emotion. He epitomizes the nonchalant guy who is able to land any woman at the bar by acting uninterested. Women eat that up. "Who is the mysterious guy that isn't interested in me?" While carrying himself with confidence near to arrogance, any female that lands that one has accomplished something no other woman has not: she has the one that wasn't interested in anyone else.


Zachary Quinto as Spock in Star Trek
What can I say? Women tend to be attracted to the "bad boys that will treat them like crap." As much as we talk about finding a "nice guy" who worships the ground we walk on, we wouldn't give the time of day to most of them. Ladies, I know all of you have once said in your life, "He's just too nice." Sadly, nice guys do finish last.

My favoritism for my new leading man, Zachary Quinto, however, has little to do with the personalities of the characters he takes on, but more to do with the allure of the talent it takes to play such characters. His charisma and on-screen presence are incredible, to say the least. He truly is fascinating to watch. I wait, with bated breath, to see him in another masterpiece.

As an addendum to my last entry about body image, I recently discovered that my favorite Victoria's Secret model, Alessandra Ambrosio, is 5'10" and 112 pounds. That seems crazy to me. I'm 5'4" and I aim for 115 pounds.

But here she is in yet another bathing suit that I own. Damn, she looks good.


What I do realize, though, is that in photos that haven't been touched up, she looks way too skinny. Take a look.


Not that she doesn't look good, but please, for the love of God, eat something woman! Is this really sexy... thin to the point of anorexia?

Because I'm on this proactive journey to lose weight and get in better shape, I felt it was appropriate to have a discussion about body image.

As a female living in society as we know it, I, like the many other women I know, am obsessed with what is considered to be beautiful, desirable, sexy. We all want to have long, lean legs, a firm but round butt, a flat stomach, decently-sized, perky breasts, and most recently in fashion, toned arms. Some of us just aren't born with the privilege of such genes, so we work hard to fit the mold. My question is, when does this become an unhealthy obsession? And does it really affect how others view us?

My take on it is the more we are aware of the bodies around us, the more that we are aware of ourselves (or what we lack). I am definitely my own harshest critic, my own worst enemy, if you will. I am constantly examining myself in the mirror: "Is that a new stretch mark? Is this shirt showing too many of my 'rolls'? Is the cellulite getting worse?!" What I also notice, though, is that I am also extremely critical of other women, especially if they are in the spotlight. "Did Drew Barrymore gain weight again? Did you see those pants on Jessica Simpson? Britney needs to work on that tummy area if she expects a comeback anytime soon."

Worse yet (and I hate to admit this), I judge the very average, normal women around me. While I did happen to join the trendiest gym in town where almost all of the women who work out there could be Victoria's Secret or Sports Illustrated Swimsuit models, there are still a few "normal" women who frequent the gym. While changing in the locker room, I can't help but to look around and compare. I search out the women that are in worse shape than me or just were not as "blessed" as I am and I feel better about myself. I'm completely evil and out of line, I know. But I couldn't help but look at some women and think, "Well, at least I don't have saggy breasts or loose skin or a flat butt or..." I'm ashamed of myself.

More importantly than what I think, here's the real question:

Does it make that much of a difference to men?
The obvious answer is, "Abso-fucking-lutely!" Why else would men drool over the Victoria's Secret and Sports Illustrated Swimsuit models? There's nothing sexier than a woman with a bangin' body, right, boys?

According to one guy I know, "Yes and no." The conversation went as follows:

"It's always the face that does it for me. Whenever I went to strip clubs, the dancers would always be shocked that I'd be staring at their face. It's what makes a woman interesting. Women just don't get it. Someone that is is considered to be 'in the best shape' and someone with your body, there's no difference. Here, look at this."

He pulls out an empty case of gum (Dentyne, I think, but I can't recall). I can't really demonstrate to you what he did with the gum, but I will attempt to show you essentially what he did through images.

"Imagine that this is a Victoria's Secret or Sports Illustrated Swimsuit model's body."


"Now say that this is you now."


"And say this is someone else who is in 'okay shape'."


"There's no difference between the three! If you're any of the latter 2, you're essentially the first."


[Gesturing to his glass of Jack and Coke] "It's not like you're like this glass."

"And I think it's kind of wrong for you to be complaining about it when you're clearly not overweight or in bad shape. I mean, there are people in bad shape and you are not. It's like the guy who had to give up his boat because he couldn't afford it anymore saying that he's broke to a guy who is actually broke. 'No, you're not broke, asshole. You just had to give up your boat!'"

At this point, I'm trying to figure out whether this is a general agreement among men or if it just happened to be something this particular man believed. Had I spent my life agonizing over every little pound for no reason at all? Is there really 'no difference'??

My take on it is that at the end of the day, no matter what others might think (of the same or opposite sex), as long as I still obsess in front of the mirror on different imperfections in my body that I know I can fix, I will constantly be worrying about it. The fact is, as long as I know that I can look better, than I will strive to look better.

On an ending note, an image of my favorite Victoria's Secret model, Alessandra Ambrosio, in the bathing suit I just purchased. I hope to one day have her stomach and thighs.

As promised, Danny (aka my GBF and head cheerleader), came up with a cheer for me:

T-A-M-M-Y
You're so hot you make men cry
The ones who don't are really blind
Cause you're so sexy and you're so kind
Can't you see there's no debate
You're so smart and you're so great
All the men out there relate
You're the princess they want to date
So get out there and meet some dudes
That will surely brighten your moods
A prince charming soon you'll meet
Dump that ugly old deadbeat
Goooooooo TAAMMMYYYYYYYY

Even Marshawn Lynch can do the cheer with Cal cheerleaders. Listen up for it at the opening home game! =D

I had originally written this blog post for Laugh Factory, but the owner didn't want me blogging because I "don't know anything about comedy." Well, those weren't his exact words, but it was implied. So here it is (and I think it's actually quite amusing).

*-------------------------------------------------*

About one year ago (at a similar coffee shop as the one I currently find myself), I took a long look at myself and thought:

Is this really my life?
As my fellow blogger, Bill Dawes, has previously stated, following the antics of my everyday life will likely make you slightly more satisfied with your own.

Last June, I packed my bags, quit my job as a Technical Business Analyst at a prestigious Asset Management firm in San Francisco, and moved to the glossy, glittery, glitzy city of Los Angeles. Never mind that I was born and raised in Los Angeles for the first 17 years of my life... this was a new beginning!

I quickly became drawn to all the celebrities that are so easily accessible in Los Angeles.
I took an unpaid internship at an entertainment PR firm where I had essential and meaningful responsibilities such as getting coffee, transcribing voice recorded notes, and filling gift bags to be distributed at charity events. This was hardly the type of work I felt a college educated woman, such as myself, should lower herself to doing. Again, my thoughts led to:

Is this REALLY my life?
Discouraged and nearly broke, I retreated with my tail between my legs. I took a job doing the tech work I was trained in, the very cause of my misery and sense of futility that I had suffered for the last seven years of my life. BUT, at least I still had my pride and dignity.

So here's the thing, people. Listen up. This is very important.

WHEN YOU ARE MISERABLE, YOU ARE UNHAPPY.
I learned this pearl of wisdom from a very wise sage, also known as my astrological forecast. I often wonder what might have been had I not been born a Libra. Soon after, I was "discovered", Hollywood style, at a charity event held at Laugh Factory. Subsequently, I joined the trendiest gym in town, got the "Rihanna/Posh" haircut, bought a pair of Christian Louboutin heels, had a hot one night stand with "What's-His-Name" from "That One Commercial", and injected botox into my unfashionably unplump lips... I'm kidding! I use Lip Venom to pump up my pout.

Now as I look around this cafe, I no longer see doom and gloom. Instead, I see a beautiful, anorexic Russian model ordering water with Splenda, six people working on their screenplays, a couple of self-important suits talking on their bluetooths, and a man with the words "Los Angeles" tattooed on his left bicep. I take a deep breath of the smog-filled air and I think to myself:

Now, THIS is my life.

I recently participated in an interesting conversation regarding relationships and love with Comedian/Writer/Director/"Entertainment Superstar" Neal Brennan. For those of you that don't know, he co-wrote Half Baked, co-wrote Chappelle's Show and directed The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard starring Jeremy Piven and Will Ferrell that will be released August 14th. Yes, that's a shameless promotion for him; now that it's taken care of, onwards to the meat of this post.

During a very slow Tuesday night performance, Neal and I sat at the back of the club chatting about Godknowswhat. For no apparent reason, our conversation drifted towards his "love life." I commented to him about the hot girl I saw him escorting a few weeks prior. "Did she have dark hair or light hair? I'm doing quite well for myself," he said. Clearly.

"Come on, Neal. I can understand wanting to go around screwing every hot girl you can get, but don't you think one day, like when you're 70, you'll just want somebody to hold your hand?"

"I'll figure something out when it gets to that point. I'll still be rich."

*rolling my eyes* "Don't you want to be in love? Feel a connection?"

"There's no such thing as unconditional love. Of COURSE there's no such thing as unconditional love. You love somebody because they do something for you, make you feel a certain way about yourself. If circumstances were to change, you wouldn't love them anymore."

"You're a cynic! Sorry, Neal. I believe in love, destiny, the stars... I'm a romantic."

"How many happy couples do you know? I don't know any! Every married couple that I know, the man is miserable and the woman is waiting for the man to not be miserable."

"I do know a happy couple - my aunt and uncle. They still go for walks on the beach, he still buys her nice gifts to make her smile, and he says that the best part of his day is coming home from work because he gets to see her again. Of course, they happen to be the only couple I know that is like this."

"Exactly. I'm not saying it doesn't exist, but they are the exception, not the rule."

(Gee, that line sounds vaguely familiar. Oh, right! From He' Just Not That Into You noting that fairy tales/romantic comedies are not the rule).

(Neal continuing) "People are like gorillas. You ever watch gorillas? The male gorillas hang out in a group over here and the female gorillas and baby gorillas hang out in a group over there. The males and females meet up to have sex and have more baby gorillas and then they go back to their respective groups. The male gorillas otherwise couldn't care less about the females or even the babies! That's what men are like."

(By now, I'm speechless and I don't have a response).

(Neal continuing) "The problem with women is that they become too attached and needy."

"Well, aren't you making it clear to them that you aren't looking for anything?"

"Of course! But they do this anyway. For example, I'm going to Vegas this week for a show. This girl I've been seeing calls me to ask me a bunch of questions about it. 'When are you going? Can I meet up with you?' No, bitch. Why? Because I'll be meeting up with some other girl!"

"Oh geez. Really, you don't ever find yourself lonely and just wanting to be with somebody?"

"Who has the time? I have about half an hour a day where I'm not working on writing, doing stand-up, or whatever. I have an insane amount of stuff recorded on my DVR that I'd rather be watching. If I were in a relationship, the girl would only be neglected because I just don't have the time. No, relationships aren't for me."

(Gee, this also sounds vaguely familiar. Oh, right. Another lame excuse from a guy who is "too focused" on his career to be in a relationship. Haven't I heard this before?)

But I decided to share some new found wisdom I garnered from having a discussion with a group of 4 guys, 3 of which are comedians. "I was recently told that the magic number is 3. The third time you sleep with a woman, she will become emotionally attached. You don't want a relationship? You don't want to break any hearts? You don't want to deal with the annoyance of a "needy female"? Keep the dalliances to 2 per woman."

Neal is silent and thinking for a second and suddenly says, "Yeah... 3 sounds about right!"

Have I imparted forbidden knowledge to the devil? I'm sure he would have eventually figured it out for himself. At least I've prevented some broken hearts, right?

Even though I disagree with Neal, I still find him highly entertaining and incredibly fun to be around. Besides, he told me that he thinks I'll be an "exception." "Oh, Tammy. I don't mean YOU. You'll definitely find love." Even I didn't believe him.

One more shameless promotion for him. Please go see Neal Brennan's directorial debut: "The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard" in theaters August 14th.

The very talented, very funny W. Kamau Bell is featured in SF Weekly! He's effin' hilarious and San Francisco is lucky to have him grace its stages.


Also check out his website.

"One more thing, don't ever forget that you are wonderful and deserve the best and if someone can't see that, don't waste your time. Keep it moving."

The last line in an email to me from an extraordinary person, comedian, and friend.

I sometimes forget about how the important people in my life view me and spend too much time focusing on what strangers think of me. I cast it aside because I think that my friends are "obligated" to say nice things about me because we are close. In reality, we are close because they actually believe those nice things about me.

So, thank you, for everyone that sees the good in me.

Last night, I went to hang out at Laugh Factory, only because I had nothing else to do. Well, let's be honest here. I really went because I wanted to see Godfrey, who was on the scheduled lineup. So I put on a sweater dress, leggings, and my fuck me boots. Come on, ladies, you know you have a pair in the closet as well.

In any case, Godfrey didn't end up making it to the show, but I did have an interesting encounter with another comedian, Bill Dawes. Upon seeing me, he says, "Tammy, you are one sexy bitch." Quickly followed by, "Well, I don't know about the bitch part... But you have a good sense of fashion."

Here's my question: Does a female need to be a bitch to be considered sexy? How did the phrase "sexy bitch" come to be the default as opposed to say, "Girl, you're sexy." Why must it be, "Girl, you're a sexy bitch"?

All over pop culture, the term "sexy", when referring to a woman, is also followed by the word "bitch". Let's look at the definition in Urban Dictionary:

Sexy bitch
Strong, independent, sexy, attractive woman who knows what she wants and how to get it.
Used by men, 'Sexy bitch' is not a derogatory term. A man who uses it is admitting that he is sexually attracted but probably not good enough for her; that he would feel vulnerable in her presence because he won't be able to control her. So there may be a tinge of resentment, especially when used by a woman to describe another because she cannot compete.

And we all know that men are attracted to bitches. So which is the qualifier? If you are a bitch, does that automatically make you sexy? Or is it if you are sexy, are you, therefore, a bitch?

Regardless, I didn't take offense to it, but that may be because I find Bill cute.