I'm a complete emotional mess. I need someone to be here to hold my hand through this. I can't stop myself from hurting no matter how hard I try, how much I tell myself that I'll be okay. I keep thinking back about all the things he's said to me, all the promises he's made to me. I remember him telling me that he feared I would some day refer to him as "just some guy I dated." How I wish I COULD refer to him that way. How I wish I don't love him as much as I do. Then it wouldn't hurt so badly. But I do.... love him. Even through the stubborness and even through the blindness.
They say that if you truly love someone, you're willing to sacrifice anything for him... even yourself. They say that if you really love him, you would give him what he wants. But I can't just be his friend. If I continue on this way, there won't even BE a me for him to have as a friend.
But it's so incredibly difficult. I still want him back and I know I still need him. I know I have to let go, but it's just so hard. I've been fighting for so long and I still truly believe that it's worth fighting for. My heart feels like it's in some sort of a death grip. I can't stop loving him. And one-sided love is the worst feeling.
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