my take on it

"Sweet dreams." I think it's something we've all said in our life time. We just want to wish someone a good night's rest and we tell them to have "sweet dreams." What you consider to be a "sweet dream" might be different from what I consider to be one. One person's nightmare might have once been a sweet dream. I've woken up many times in the past week, not sure what it was that was waking me up, but knowing that it was also keeping me awake because I was too afraid to fall back asleep. The other night, being back in Desmond's arms, even if for a few brief moments, felt like heaven. I was too afraid to sleep, afraid that the moment would pass me by. Knowing full well that it just might be the last time I'm with him like that, I stayed up most of the night, relishing the feel of just being near him, in his arms, and at ease. I didn't want the night to end and when his alarm went off, I wanted to curse it to the depths of hell. These last couple of nights, I lie awake in bed, not sure what to do. And when I do fall asleep, I wake up with a start, not sure what I'm doing alone in my apartment, in my bed. I reach over to grab his hand... but he's not there.
I think the nights are the worst. Usually during the day, I can pretend like nothing has happened. I can just pretend that we're having a busy schedule and can't spend much time together anymore. Plus, I have my friends to keep me company and to keep me sane. At nights, though, I'm just not prepared for the onslaught of sadness and loneliness.